优秀是这样训练出来的读后感10篇
《优秀是这样训练出来的》是一本由(美)迈克尔·珀尔//黛比·珀尔著作，世界知识出版的平装图书，本书定价：23.00元，页数：193，特精心从网络上整理的一些读者的读后感，希望对大家能有帮助。
市面上有许多教育小孩子的书籍，但是大部分都是方法论，对做法其中的原因解释不明，对于本身就缺乏爱心和信仰支撑的父母来说根本不可行。这本书在阐述一个简单的道理，父母要管教孩子让他们学会顺服并远离罪恶，其中不错的一点就是作者没有简单列举该怎么教训孩子或者打孩子，而是结合圣经的教训让人明白背后的道理。还有一点不错的是作者提出的训练计划，提醒家长不要等到孩子变得顽劣才举起棍棒，要注重培养孩子的信仰。
《优秀是这样训练出来的》读后感(二)：你对人性有怎样的预设决定你怎样养育
见过不少知识分子的父母，自己才华横溢优秀出众，在教育小孩的事情上却一败涂地。
仔细总结会发现一个规律，这样的家庭往往对小孩子的本性有一种评价过高的预设，对自己在教养孩童一事上有一种盲目的自信甚至自负。出于这种灵魂深处的骄傲，他们对自己的孩子“民主”、“宽容”、“自由”、“顺其自然”，直到孩子十岁以后，苦果就慢慢显露，而承认失败和反省对这些崇尚理性的父母来说居然还是那么艰难。
这本书是一对养育多个子女的牧师夫妇写的，相信里面的观点对于当代多数年轻父母来说都是一种挑战甚至冒犯。即使对于已经悔改重生、明白自己的婴孩不是“小天使”而是“亚当堕落的后代”的基督徒父母，这本书也比你的决心走得更远。作者声称，对孩子的管教包括责打从穿着尿布的时期就开始了，真是令新上岗的父母们心碎。
不认识上帝，人就无法了解自己。圣经启示了人犯罪的事实和人堕落的本性，这本书就是基于这样一个清晰的人性观。不了解这个前提，先入为主地以今天市面上那些价值飘忽、似是而非的心理学教育学观点来看这本书，可能只会觉得野蛮愚蠢。
本书给人印象最深的是反复强调顺服的重要性，强调神在家庭中赋予父母的权柄和亲子间的秩序，对于憧憬着和自己年幼的子女成为朋友的父母，这是当头棒喝是退烧药是清凉剂。顺服带来真正的安全和喜乐，十岁之前学会顺服的孩子成年后才会和父母成为朋友。
真希望做父母的都能放下成见，谦卑下来，读一读这本书。至少我自己这么设想过，如果我的父母当年按照这本书所讲的来训练我，我会十分开心和感谢的。
《优秀是这样训练出来的》读后感(三)：“棍棒”等于“优秀”吗？
在读一本育儿书《优秀是这样训练出来的》，这是我很久之前买的一本书，那时女儿大约上小学二三年级。当时买来，肯定是读了，但是没有留下阅读痕迹和阅读印象，只是隐约感觉这本书被我划到“伪书”之列，我认定的伪书通常是内容粗略，装帧简陋的书。
这次重新阅读，准备采取速读法，用半小时时间捕捉核心内容，不过没有达成，现在读书，我都要做读书笔记，这个过程比较耗时间。
作者迈克尔和黛比·珀尔是一对夫妻，他们是美国“大喜乐”机构的创始人，也是美国家庭学校运动的先驱。写此书时，这对夫妻婚龄43年，有5个孩子，18个孙子。夫妇二人应是基督的信徒，《圣经》的教育箴言贯穿全书。作者在书中强调了一定要趁早训练孩子，这样孩子在面对纷杂繁芜的事情时，才不至于迷失方向。书中用不少篇幅讲述训练孩子的重要性，其实这个重要性，相信每位家长都明白。家长最关心的是如何做，具体的实施方案。
作者在书中给出的实施方案就是“打”。他提议孩子出生后，就可以“打”孩子，打孩子是训练孩子。打是一种感觉的交换，比如当几个月的宝宝咬妈妈奶头，扯妈妈头发时，可以打孩子，让孩子知道咬和扯的行为会给妈妈带来疼痛。
估计大多数父母看到这招，都会吃惊，虽然我们自己也会打孩子，但一般都是孩子犯错时才打他们。作者了解普通父母的心理，他认为，不能等孩子犯错时再惩罚，而且此刻惩罚夹杂着父母的情绪的怒气，这种怒气传达给孩子，非常不好，会让孩子效仿，时间长了，父母就失去在孩子心中的尊严。
作者列举动物的例子说明“打”这种训练是必须的。比如导盲犬的训练，马的训练，还有刚入伍新兵的训练。这些动物或者新兵经过训练，才能很快地听从命令。孩子也是需要训练的。打的行为一定要贯穿在日常生活中。比如当你不想让孩子抓取危险物品时，像玻璃或眼镜之类的东西，就可以打孩子的小手，让他感到有些疼痛，但不至于会哭出来。总之，就是当孩子做了父母认为不对的事情时，父母就要及时去“打”，否则等他长大了再“打”，或者真正犯错误再“打”，都是没用的。
关于“打”，作者还列举了《圣经》里的名言，例如：
趁有指望，管教你的儿子，你的心不可任他死亡。
不忍用杖打儿子的，是恨恶他；疼爱儿子的，随时管教。
愚蒙迷住孩童的心，用管教的杖可以远远赶除。
不可不管教孩童，你用杖打他，他必不致于死。你要用杖打他，就可以救他的灵魂免下地狱。
管教你的儿子，他就使你得安息，也必使你心里喜乐。
种种事实道理似乎印证了我们老祖宗的话：不打不成器、棍棒底下出孝子。
但是，同时许多许多的育儿书又告诉我们：打孩子是野蛮表现，打孩子是粗暴的行为。
所以育儿书看多的结果，就是造成父母很分裂，到底谁的话才是真理？大部分家庭都是一个孩子，父母都是新手，大量的看书学习，想给孩子一个完美的教育和人生。可事实上，孩子就是我们父母教育的实验品甚至是牺牲品。上学时做化学实验，若有一步没做好，可以从头再来，孩子没教育好，老天会给你机会重头再来吗？即使你生个二孩补偿，那也是另外一个孩子。
到底打还是不打？我也很分裂。即使再有个孩子，我依然不会教育。也许在我这里，打要更换成管教。不管，怕她以后走弯路；管了，又怕她唯唯诺诺，没有自我；管狠了，甚至会物极必反！做父母真的需要有大智慧！
此外，作者在本书结尾给孩子的信中，关于择偶的观点，我比较认同。作者认为在家庭教育中，母亲的角色最重要，对孩子的影响最大。所以男孩们一定要找情绪平和、有爱心的女子做妻子，而且男孩子一定要对妻子好，体贴妻子，妈妈的内心有喜乐的，才能把快乐幸福的情绪传递给孩子，当然这要求妈妈本身也要有乐观情绪。其次，女孩子婚后要成为丈夫的帮助者，站在丈夫身后为他祷告，祝福他并且尊敬他。妻子给了丈夫这样的环境后，他才能兴旺。
为什么着重提出上述观点，因为这个观点正是我年轻时持有异议的，尤其反对女孩子婚后要成为丈夫的帮助者，服侍者。那时我二十多岁，心中憧憬和向往的就是做“女强人”，觉得不可一世，盛气凌人的“女强人”才是我追求目标，我讨厌“贤妻良母”，认为那是“无用”的表现。
二十年过去了，我既没成为高高在上的“霸道女总裁”，也不是温柔可亲的“贤内助”，但我对婚姻家庭的本质，有了一丁点的领悟。我日渐感觉到，在家庭中，母亲是最重要的角色，尤其是一个乐观向上，情绪平和，能体谅别人的母亲，这是有真正智慧的母亲。如果孩子拥有了这样的母亲，那便是他一生的福祉。
我相信，如果是“好妈妈”，那所有的育儿书都可以抛诸脑后，至于“打”还是“不打”，好妈妈在具体事情上，自然会根据内心的声音做出判断。
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《优秀是这样训练出来的》读后感(四)：在训练中“治理这地”——孩子需要训练 / 喻书琴
*当代主流儿童心理学很反感“训练”、“管教”等教育模式，也动不动就给其扣上“压抑个性”、“束缚自由”、“律法主义”的帽子，但真的是如此吗？什么是真正的个性？什么是真正的自由？
•上帝最初创造人类时就有一条命令：吩咐其“治理这地”，“这地”看上去挺抽象，不过，回到现实生活中细细想想，无论男女老少、贫富贵贱，每个人都有他拥有的“地盘”，比如各自的身体、时间、才能、金钱、物品、甚至情绪。但我们有没有想过，如何好好管理它们呢？
•正是基于上帝的主权和托付，也基于人（包括儿童）的败坏和罪性，父母需要从小训练孩子自控自制自律。
•这几本书颇为面面俱到，将父母需要训练孩子管理的各方面（包括身体管理、情绪管理、金钱管理、物品管理、家事管理、时间管理等等）都有所涉及，而且举的例子很多，相信对不同的读者有不同的提醒和光照。
在训练中“治理这地”——关于训练孩子
近日，多年不见的研究生室友小马来访。既然同为人母，自然就聊起育儿经，我谈及我儿子有些体弱，晚上睡眠质量也不太好，她便说起她儿子以前体质也很不好，但自从最近频繁跟着爸爸妈妈周末四处爬山锻炼后，现在身体倍儿棒，五岁出头的小男孩，全国名山大川都快走了一大半圈，体能比他们两口子还好；而且经过反复的熄灯训练后，小家伙养成了每天晚上一到八点半就自动躺下睡觉的好习惯，令我惊叹不已。因着这些经历，小马还建了一个旨在提倡亲子旅行的微信公共号，叫做“嘻游记”。
感慨其训子有方的同时，正好看到美国迈克尔•珀尔夫妇写的几本书《优秀是这样训练出来的》、《训练孩子灵性刚强》，这对夫妇是美国家庭教育运动的先驱，也是“大喜乐”机构的创始人，两人结婚逾43载，育有5个孩子，都在家接受homeschool，非常强调让孩子从小在各个层面接受严格的训练，使他们操练责任心、担当感、自律意识，为将来成为上帝“良善、忠心、有见识”的门徒做好预备。
虽然，当代主流儿童心理学很反感“训练”、“管教”等教育模式，也动不动就给其扣上“压抑个性”、“束缚自由”、“律法主义”的帽子，但真的是如此吗？什么是真正的个性？什么是真正的自由？看看珀尔的孩子们，在这种逆潮流而行之的言传身教下，孩子们并不觉得压抑和束缚，反而个个都身心强健、品学兼优、灵性丰盛、荣神益人，生命活得喜乐平安，在他们的亲笔信中充满对父母教育之道的感恩，而且，珀尔夫妇的教育理论和实践已经成为许许多多家庭的祝福。这不由得让我们深思，是否应该正本清源，回归真理？
首先，父母为什么需要训练？孩子为什么需要受训？
上帝最初创造人类时就有一条命令：吩咐其“治理这地”，“这地”看上去挺抽象，不过，回到现实生活中细细想想，无论男女老少、贫富贵贱，每个人都有他拥有的“地盘”，比如各自的身体、时间、才能、金钱、物品、甚至情绪。但我们有没有想过，如何好好管理它们呢？
如果，我们没有想到，这些拥有的东西不是我们应有和配得的，而是上帝恩赐我们使用的，且是上帝托付我们看管的，那么，基于人性的败坏，我们就容易任由己意，随心所欲去管理它们，比如放纵身体、浪费时间、挥霍金钱、放任情绪。即使我们信主后，也知道自己不是这些东西的主人而是管家后，还是不容易甚至不太愿意按着赐恩的主人，也就是上帝的心意好好管理。结果导致这一生要背负许多的苦果。
而作者认为，要想智慧管理我们的所有，首要的是敬畏神。敬畏神才是智慧的开端，家长敬畏神，就会得大智慧，认真按神的心意来养育孩子；孩子敬畏神，就会得大智慧，认真按神的心意来管理自我。只有这样，才能得到真正的个性（而非任性）、真正的自由（而非自私）。正如圣经所言，“唯有真理才能叫我们得自由”，而自由本是为了是人有爱心彼此服侍，而非将自由当做放纵情欲的借口。
可是，连渴慕智慧本身也是要训练的，正如作者说的：“因为享乐和骄傲的欲望辖制我们，所以堕落的人性与智慧相违背，智慧的道路通常就是一条舍己的道路。”于是，作者特别提出从小就要训练孩子舍己，比如小孩子的肉体常常本能地选择满足自己（我家小儿子便是一个证明，要一个东西就希望此时、此刻、此地马上出现在眼前，容不得片刻延缓，否则就会心烦意乱、嘟囔不已。我也只能连哄带骗，汗！），但当你延迟满足他们的需要，“就是在操练他们做出舍己的艰难选择。在你的训练下，孩子们的心灵渐渐胜过肉体的欲望，并逐渐强壮起来，最终使肉体能够服从心灵。”
正是基于上帝的主权和托付，也基于人（包括儿童）的败坏和罪性，父母需要从小训练孩子自控自制自律。当然，另一方面，训练孩子自控自律的目的，却不是为了救赎人的败坏和罪性（人罪性的救赎唯靠耶稣基督的福音），而是为了在福音的恩典中更好的尽上自己当尽的责任（百分百的恩典意味着百分百的责任）。
我之所以强调这一点，是为了反思时下基督教的品格教育类图书的迷思，也就是“称义基础上的成圣”和“成圣基础上的称义”的极大不同之处。所以，我比较欣赏作者坦诚而谦卑的实话实说，在品格训练之路上，也不是一蹴而就或扶摇直上的，“孩子们的情况每天都会忽上忽下的，为理想操练自己，但即使情况看起来越来越糟，也要依靠上帝的怜悯和恩典，并将荣耀归给满有怜悯和恩典的上帝。”的确，这一点非常重要，由于人性的败坏，无论父母还是儿女，在关注成圣或者品格培养过程中，极容易产生某种精神上的优越感或道德上的自义感，慢慢就会归荣耀给父母或孩子，慢慢就会将救赎的根基建立在教育本身上。
其次，父母如何训练？孩子如何受训？
作者特别界定了几个概念的梳理：训练、管教，说理三者的区别，因为，训练是具体实战经验，而说理则有些纸上谈兵；训练是平日反复规范矫正的长期之策，而管教是问题发生当口的应急之需；作者认为，如果只有说理、管教、父母以身作则做榜样，还是不够培养孩子的自律，必须佐以坚定的约束（比如明确制定家庭规则，并以家庭规则指导家庭生活），所以，如果我们真的有志于训练孩子的身心，这几本实践性很强的书是相当不错的参考。
而且，这几本书颇为面面俱到，将父母需要训练孩子管理的各方面（包括身体管理、情绪管理、金钱管理、物品管理、家事管理、时间管理等等）都有所涉及，而且举的例子很多，相信对不同的读者有不同的提醒和光照。
就拿身体管理来说吧，有道是，要想身体好，均衡饮食、规律运动、高质量睡眠三者不可少。然而，大家都知道要多吃健康食品，少吃垃圾食品；都知道要多户外运动，少拿ipad或手机或电脑一天到晚玩不停；都知道早睡护肝，晚睡熬夜伤体；但是，说归说，做归做。
我们不得不承认，在物欲过于丰盛的今天，很多时候吃喝多是为了口腹之欢，而非健康之需。否则，为什么超市的垃圾食品销量那么大？麦当劳和烧烤摊的人流那么多？孩子们则更是喜欢那些色香味俱全的糖衣炮弹，很难管得住自己的嘴。所以，才需要父母严格训练孩子培养健康饮食习惯，为自己的身体负责。此外，训练孩子饮食自控，不止为了身体的益处，更是为了灵性的益处，正如作者所言：“世上充满诱惑，到处叫嚣着要满足肉体的欲望，食物最能测试我们节制的能力。基督徒最主要的特征之一就是节制，如果一个人都不能很好的控制自己的嘴，他又怎能控制身体的其他部位呢？”
但这就需要父母自己首先要有高度的自律意识和舍己意识。作者说，我们最大问题就是与恶习藕断丝丝，而非破釜沉舟，不愿意付更大代价。比如“一方面想尝试给孩子提供健康食品，一方面又不自觉地将零食买回家留以备用！”这句话对我实在是一个好的提醒。因为我也是买了面包机总许诺着说要做面包，却又常常将那些精加工无甚营养的主食带回家，唯一理由就是生怕孩子会饿着营养不良！这是多么的悖论！
在训练孩子七定律中，作者向父母提出一条“你必须过有秩序、有责任感而富有成效的生活，让孩子们也积极的参与到你的生活中来。”所以，我特别意识到，要让孩子受自己的训练，先得让自己受上帝的训练，当然，父母不要害怕自己做不到，只要愿意做，借着上帝够用的恩典，相信一定会与孩子一同成长吧。
不过，比较难得的是，几乎每一种训练作者都会将其表象和实质加以区分，以免以偏概全，落入“律法主义”的窠臼。还是拿刚才提到的身体管理为例，培养健康饮食习惯是好事，但不能成为我们自我标榜，并定罪他人的借口。在“宗教方面的捆绑”这一节里，作者提到在养成健康饮食的习惯上，偶尔破例吃上几次垃圾食品也无大碍。不可成为定罪别人的借口。”
我便记起有段时间过度关注健康饮食，以致于丈夫为孩子买来一盒极为甜腻的生日蛋糕，我便大为光火起来，责备他乱买垃圾食品。其实，丈夫也只是偶尔为之，倒是我成了过于偏执的法利赛人，把本来不错的生日气氛搞砸了。现在想来，当时内心或许把健康饮食当偶像顶礼膜拜了。
虽然这套书系也遭到不少批评，但我觉得，作者其实还算是比较强调“律法和恩典”的平衡的。他谈到缺乏恩典的父母和缺乏律法的父母都有偏颇，他说：我们要在日常生活中模拟上帝的国，“训练孩子们的言行时，其实有助于你将属灵的道理呈现给他们，孩子们必须明白并领会律法与审判，同时必须感受恩典和怜悯，要知道没有律法就没有恩典，没有过犯就没有怜悯，律法使过犯显明出来，并加以惩罚，而恩典则带来饶恕，借着恩典除去所有的罪债，使孩子们罪得赦免，重获新生。”
读者们不妨读一读作者附在本书最后的一首诗《一个父亲的祈祷》，在诗中，你会更明白为人父母是怎样神圣严肃的一种呼召！
而我们如何做既高举福音，又不轻忽律法的父母呢？如何做一个能够自律，并帮助孩子自律，却不因这种自律为义的父母呢？如何兢兢业业，却又欢欢喜喜地在恩典中履行我们的责任呢？这实在是一生之久的功课。
主啊，
如果太阳升起又落下时
我却没有将影子投射出来，
那会怎样呢？
我十分关心
孩子们是否能在你的家中
枝繁叶茂地生长。
即使我在贫穷中死去，
即使我寿数未尽，
即使我饱受疾病的折磨，
我也要努力寻求
让他们满得你的祝福。
主啊，
求你让我不要数算
在孩子们身上花了多少钱，
也不要数算
能为他们提供怎样的教育机会；
求你让我真正明白，
最重要的是，
要花更多的时间
和他们建立亲密的伙伴关系。
但愿，
孩子们在我的辅导下，
毕业后成为基督耶稣的门徒；
但愿，
孩子们在绝对的顺服中
学会分辨善恶，
免陷绝望的深渊；
但愿，
孩子们得时与不得时，
各个都充满智慧，
都能拣选那上好的福分，
有勇气拒绝
陈腐的观念和徒劳无益的生活；
但愿，
孩子们为那永不朽坏的产业
奋斗一生。
愿孩子们各个爱主，
与圣灵同工，
与耶稣为友。
愿他们的人生走到尽头时，
终点就在你的宝座前，
可以将一生的冠冕
都放在耶稣的脚前。
阿们！
《优秀是这样训练出来的》读后感(五)：【转】(How Not) To Train Up a Child
(How Not) To Train Up a Child
y Tim Challies
http://www.challies.com/book-reviews/how-not-to-train-up-a-child
http://www.challies.com/book-reviews/how-not-to-train-up-a-child-part-2
art I
What if I told you that there is a parenting technique you can follow that will give you "a renewed vision for your family--no more raised voices, no contention, no bad attitudes, fewer spankings, a cheerful atmosphere in the home, and total obedience from your children？" And what if I told you that this technique "always works with every child？" And what if I added that this technique comes with God's own seal of approval because it is "the same technique God uses to train His children？" Such are the claims of Michael Pearl in To Train Up a Child, a book that is well on its way to selling its one millionth copy.
Let me tell you why I am reviewing this book. After I recently wrote a two-part review of Debi Pearl's Created To Be His Help Meet (http://www.challies.com/book-reviews/created-to-be-his-help-meet) I received repeated requests to take a look at To Train Up A Child, written by her husband Michael. The people who wrote to me told me of the impact the book has had on their lives and on their churches. They also told me how many copies it had sold and how many are in the hands of people who read this web site. In light of all of this, I determined that it would be wise for me to have some knowledge of it.
As I read the book, I found it a fascinating illustration of the reality that what we believe will necessarily impact what we do and how we do it. In this case, it shows that what we believe to be true about children will inevitably shape the way we “train them up.” It concerned me to see that many people follow Michael Pearl’s technique even though they believe very different things from what he believes. It is for these people in particular that I write my review. I write it not to condemn you, but to provoke you to consider what Pearl really believes about children and how this has shaped his book and your children.
There are several key claims and teachings of this book that merit a closer look. I will move through them in what I hope is a logical and helpful way. Today I will do some background work and tomorrow I will try to bring it all to a helpful conclusion.
Training Versus Discipline
Critical to the book is a distinction between training and discipline. The book's title and purpose are derived from the well-known words of Proverbs 22:6: "Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it." Pearl explains the importance and context of this word train: "Train up--not beat up. Train up--not discipline up. Train up--not educate up. Train up--not 'positive affirmation' up." Training is the most often missed element in child rearing. A child needs more than 'obedience training,' but without first training him, discipline is insufficient.”
This is not a book about the reactive discipline of disobedient children, though this is present as a related, secondary theme. Rather, it is a book about a kind of proactive training that heads off disobedience and thus negates the need for discipline. Pearl says, "Training is not discipline. Discipline is the 'damage control' part of training, but is insufficient in itself to effect proper behavior."
What is this training？ Before I answer that question, let me tell you what the training is not. Pearl's training is not moral or spiritual, which means he believes that the mandate of Proverbs 22:6 is not fulfilled by instructing your children in Biblical truths. In the book's opening pages he writes, "we are not talking about producing godly children, just happy and obedient children. The principles for training young children to instantly obey can be applied by non-Christians as well as Christians." Training in godliness will come later in a child's life and is outside the scope of the training he teaches here. This training is applied to children between birth and approximately twelve years of age and can be done by Christians and non-Christians alike.
What, then, does he mean by training？ According to Pearl, "Training is the conditioning of the children's mind before the crisis arises. It is preparation for future, instant, unquestioning obedience." His training uses a technique that "always works with every child" by conditioning the child's mind so he will respond to any authority with instant, unquestioning, heartfelt obedience. This, he says, is "normal in the well-trained family." To get to that point, a parent must create a training ground and "reward every transgression with a switching [discipline that involves striking a child with a switch or belt or other object]." The switching will continue until the child has demonstrated complete obedience and submission to the will of the parent in both action and attitude.
earl’s training is proactive and his discipline is reactive; training involves conditioning an ignorant child while discipline involves punishing a deliberately disobedient child. It will take just a few hours or a few days to train a child in some new area (going to bed without crying or not grabbing at his father’s glasses) and after training is complete, that behavior will now have to be met with discipline.
Training may come about in a couple of different ways. The first is when parents deliberately create situations in which a child has the opportunity to obey or disobey. These are situations or tasks that have no purpose other than training. Pearl suggests a typical scenario in which a parent will place an appealing object within reach of a child of twelve months and tell him "No, don't touch that." If he touches it, the parent should "switch their hand once and simultaneously say, 'No.'" This is to be repeated, perhaps with an increasing number of switches, until the child obeys. Pearl offers this clarification: "Remember, now, you are not disciplining, you are training." The particulars of a training situation will vary by family and context, but what is consistent is that parents will deliberately manufacture a situation in which they will forbid the child from touching or taking something desirable. As the child succeeds by doing the will of his parents or fails by doing his own will, he will face either good or painful consequences.
The second form of training involves situations in which a child has not acted in deliberate rebellion but may have still done something that is antisocial or otherwise inappropriate. Here is one of Pearl's examples: "One particularly painful experience of nursing mothers is the biting baby. My wife did not waste time finding a cure. When the baby bit, she pulled its hair (an alternative has to be sought for bald-headed babies)." Again he says, "Understand, the baby is not being punished, just conditioned." Other examples include switching a toddler who drops food from his high chair or an infant who cries when being put to bed.
In either training situation, the child's transgression of a parent's command or a societal convention brings some form of physical consequence that will be repeated until the child does what the parents have commanded and until he does it in the manner and with the attitude they demand. Pearl insists that this is the neglected key to child-raising--proactively training children rather than only reactively disciplining them.
Concerns With Pearl’s Training
I want to make several comments about this form of training.
First, this distinction between training and discipline seems too-fine a distinction to me and one that relies on mere semantics. To inflict pain upon a child who transgresses the will of the parent is to discipline or punish him, no matter what term the parent prefers. The main difference I see between Pearl's training and discipline is one of agency: training involves the parent deliberately creating a situation in which he will proactively take a switch to his child whereas discipline involves the child creating a situation in which his father will reactively take a switch to him. In either case, let’s just face the truth that the child is being disciplined; he is being punished.
econd, I would caution any parent about consistently creating training grounds which will guarantee, or very nearly guarantee, that he will respond by physically punishing his child. Where is the love and justice in creating these situations that are beyond the ability of a young child to understand and then in punishing the child for transgressing what he does not understand？
Third, I am concerned by the arbitrary nature of Pearl's training. This technique of introducing some kind of a desirable object to your child and then keeping him from it is necessarily arbitrary. While it may teach your children to instantly and completely obey their parents, it may also train them that their parents will place arbitrary demands upon them, that obedience is merely a matter of mollifying the irrational demands of a higher authority. This will necessarily eventually impact the way they understand God's demands upon us.
Fourth, what Pearl refers to as training can as easily be labeled conditioning. In fact, his training perfectly fits Mirriam-Webster's definition of conditioning: "A simple form of learning involving the formation, strengthening, or weakening of an association between a stimulus and a response." Meanwhile Pearl says, "Training doesn't necessarily require that the trainee be capable of reason; even mice and rats can be trained to respond to stimuli. Careful training can make a dog perfectly obedient. If a seeing-eye dog can be trained to reliably lead a blind man through the dangers of city streets, shouldn't a parent expect more out of an intelligent child？" Between the book's introduction and first chapter, Pearl has compared children with mice, rats, horses, mules and dogs. This shows that he advocates no moral dimension to his training; rather, he advocates a technique that will bring about instant obedience of the mind and body but without reference to the heart. The problem, of course, is that children are not animals and are far more complex and spiritual than animals.
Most Christians have understood Proverbs 22:6 to include a moral dimension, moral training that will in turn lead to behavior training. Yet Pearl believes the exact opposite, that it demands only behavior modification which will later lead to moral improvement. To understand why, we need to look to his understanding of human nature. This is where we really begin to see how his underlying theology shapes his child-raising technique; this is where we begin to see that his theology is probably very, very different from your own. I will turn there as this review continues and concludes tomorrow.
_____________________________________________________
Consider this a short appendix. Pearl’s training technique may seem a little bit abstract in the absence of clear examples (of which there are multitudes in the book), so I will provide one of them; I hope it will show that I am fairly representing what Pearl advocates and highlight each of my four concerns. He relays an example in which his wife interacts with a pouty, fifteen-month-old infant. This is not her own child, but one she was determined to train while he was in her care (the Pearls will only watch other people’s children with the agreement that they may train them while they care for them.). Debi handed this child a roller skate and “took a moment to show him what fun it was to hold it upside down and turn the wheels.” Yet “with defiance, he turned his face away” at which point she “decided it was showdown time.” She picked up a switch, placed the skate in front of him and “gently and playfully said, ‘Turn the wheels.” He refused. She told him again and again he defied. “This time, being assured he fully understood it to be a command, she placed his hand on the wheels, repeated the command, and when no obedience followed, she switched his leg.” This pattern of defiance followed by switching was repeated ten times until he surrendered his will to hers and began to roll the wheel. “A few minutes later she noticed he was turning the wheels and laughing with the other children, with whom he had previously shown only disdain. The surly attitude was all gone. In its place was contentment, thankfulness, and a fellowship with his peers. The ‘rod’ had lived up to its Biblical promise.”
art II
Yesterday I began to look at Michael Pearl’s To Train Up a Child. My interest in this book is based in part on its popularity and in part on the way in which it very clearly highlights how faulty foundational beliefs will lead to faulty actions. In the first part of the review I showed that Pearl advocates a particular method of training children and that he distinguishes this training from discipline. Today I want to show you that much of his technique flows out of his denial of a key Christian doctrine.
The Innocent Child
earl denies the doctrine of original sin and thus believes that children have no need to be justified and, further, until they are older cannot be justified. This puts him radically at odds with the vast majority of Evangelical Christians. Let me show you what he denies and what he believes in its place.
As Pearl lays the groundwork for the book, he says that his training is a reflection of the way God trains his people. He goes to the Garden of Eden and says that this was God's training ground for humanity. "When God wanted to 'train' his first two children not to touch, He did not place the forbidden object out of their reach. Instead, He placed the 'tree of the knowledge of good and evil' in 'the midst of the garden' (Gen. 3:3)." He teaches that the tree was located in the middle of the garden so that it would be a constant temptation; with more visibility would come more opportunity for training by temptation. It was a "moral factory" meant to produce character.
It was the language of “training ground” along with some other scattered words and phrases that made me begin to wonder what Pearl believes about the spiritual state of children. I visited his web site’s "What We Believe" section to find important clarifying information. There he says,
We believe that man was created in the span of a twenty-four hour period. He was created perfect physically and constitutionally, including the moral and spiritual essence. Man, though complete and entire, wanting nothing, was, in his innocence, without character. The tree of knowledge of good and evil, a moral testing ground, was, in the wisdom of God, the perfect opportunity for spiritual development. The natural constitution of man (desire for food, etc.) became the basis for temptation. In the eating of the tree, the willful and direct disobedience to God resulted in legal estrangement from God and precipitated the curse of death on Adam and all his descendants.
He holds, then, that Adam and Eve were created sinless but with unformed character. The purpose of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil was to test them and provide them a context for spiritual development. The statement of faith goes on to say this: "When a descendant of Adam reaches a level of moral understanding (sometime in his youth) he becomes fully, personally accountable to God and has sin imputed to him, resulting in the peril of eternal damnation" and later, "When man reaches his state of moral accountability, and, by virtue of his personal transgression, becomes blameworthy, his only hope is a work of grace by God alone."
This brings all kinds of clarity to his training technique. He believes that children are born sinless and unformed just as Adam and Eve were. Their younger years are a context for spiritual development that allows the parents to train them for when they become personally accountable to God somewhere around their early teens. Any "bad" things they do in these early years are not actually sinful since they are not truly opposed to God. They are still bad, but only as measured against a standard lower than God's. Supposing that the tree of the knowledge of good and evil was placed in the Garden as a test that would provide Adam and Eve a context for spiritual development, and seeing that they fell after facing a temptation that appealed to their natural constitution, he encourages parents to do the very same thing, to create a moral testing ground and to face children with what most naturally appeals to them.
According to the implications of what Pearl believes about a child's spiritual state, your task as a parent is to condition your child to avoid behaviors that will be sin once he is able to sin. You form him in this pre-sin state to sin as seldom as possible once he is actually able to sin and place himself under God's judgment. Training is what a parent does until the child develops that moral understanding that then makes him personally, spiritually accountable to God.
I did a little bit of digging and found a very helpful analysis of Pearl's teaching through the book of Romans. In that series he makes it clear what is implied in the book--that he does not believe in original sin, which is to say, he does not believe that children are born into this world with a sinful nature. When he says that the curse was precipitated upon Adam and his descendants, he is referring only to physical death; Adam has passed death to his descendants, but not sin. Therefore children are born into this world unformed, sinless and unaccountable to God, at least until they mature. This all differs radically from what the Bible teaches--that Adam's sin is imputed to every one of us so that each one of us is born into this world in a fallen state and as a rebel against God.
Why do I belabor this point？ Not only because Pearl denies what the vast majority of Evangelical Christians hold to, always something to make note of, but because this unbiblical belief is absolutely foundational to his child-rearing technique. The technique he teaches reflects this unbiblical view of humanity's sinfulness. Understand this: If you heed Pearl's counsel, you are following a technique that denies the sinfulness of your children and their need to be justified by the work of Christ. It passes by their hearts in order to condition their behavior.
At this point we have seen that Pearl wants parents to train their children and we've seen that this comes in the context of children who are not yet morally accountable. Yet children are not perfect; after all, they disobey their parents. What is to be done with a disobedient child？ Pearl teaches that disobedience necessitates the rod of correction, yet he holds that the rod is not merely corrective but also redemptive.
The Redemptive Rod
Though according to Pearl young children are not morally accountable before God, this does not exempt them from guilt. Guilt is the consequence that comes when someone sees how he has failed to live up to a certain standard and "judges himself to be worthy of blame." Pearl describes it well as "the soul's pain ... designed to give us warning, and a strong signal to change our action." Guilt does more than make us feel emotion--it also cries out for a response: "The guilt-burdened soul cries out for the lashes and nails of justice. That is why the soul of man never rests until the conscience has been purged by a believing look at the bleeding, crucified Lamb. ... Christians find release from the guilt through the Savior who suffered the curse of their sins..."
Well and good as it pertains to adults, but what of children who, by Pearl's understanding of human nature, cannot be Christians until they have reached the necessary level of moral accountability. They will still feel guilt, but there is a problem: Guilt "is never in itself restorative." Children will feel guilt for the actions that have defied their parents and will want to be absolved of that sin. But they "cannot yet understand that the Creator has been lashed and nailed in their place." Since there is no gospel of Christ's death and resurrection for children, Pearl teaches the gospel of the father's rod. "Parents need not wait until their children are old enough to understand the vicarious death of Christ to purge their children of guilt. God has provided parents with a tool to cleanse their children of guilt--the rod of correction." When your child does something wrong, you are to "Let the guilt come, and while the child is yet too young to understand, purge his guilt by means of the rod." To drive the point home, he says it again: "Parents hold in their hands (in the form of a little switch) the power to absolve the child of guilt, cleanse his soul, instruct his spirit, strengthen his resolve, and give him a fresh start through a confidence that all indebtedness is paid in full." Speaking specifically to fathers he says, "A spanking (whipping, paddling, switching, or belting) is indispensable to the removal of guilt in your child. His very conscience (nature) demands punishment."
Do you see what he has done here？ He has taken all the language of the gospel and applied it to a parent's spanking. A parent who strikes his child with a rod removes the child's guilt, cleanses his soul, instructs and strengthens him, and gives him assurance that his debt has been paid. Here is where Pearl's child-rearing technique comes home to roost. Now we see whipping as something that takes the place of the cross. Now we demand that a child satisfies for his own sin. Instead of teaching a child that he is a sinner in desperate need of God's grace, we are to teach the child that by inflicting a measure of pain on his backside we have cleansed him of his sin and absolved him from all guilt. We have taught him that sin demands atonement and we have taught him that his own suffering can atone for that sin. But all the while we have missed the far greater opportunity of teaching the child that he cannot atone for his sin, that his sin is too great for him to pay for even with an eternity of suffering. And we have missed the golden opportunity to point him to the One who has suffered for him, who has satisfied God's just demands, and who is so willing to trade his goodness for that child's badness. What Pearl teaches is the very opposite of the Bible's good news. And all of this because of the denial of the child’s fallenness and moral corruption.
Conclusion
There is much more that could be said about this book. Let's be clear that it is not all bad. Pearl shares some things--many things--that are both practically useful and biblically accurate. Many Christians read the book, apply those good parts, and ignore the rest. But the fact remains that the weight of the book is driven by an unbiblical view of human nature which in turn leads to the wrong emphases. In place of the gracious, loving mercy of gospel is the harsh justice of law.
In this way To Train Up a Child is the very opposite of books that encourage you to pursue your child's heart, that teach that "the heart is the heart of the matter." In Pearl's view there is no heart to get to--not yet. For now there is the conditioning of poor behavior, the administration of the rod, and the purging of sin through a child’s pain.
Would you like an alternative？ I would encourage you to pick up William Farley’s Gospel-Powered Parenting (http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1596381353/). It will show from the Bible how the gospel of grace shapes and transforms parenting.