Never Eat Alone经典读后感10篇
《Never Eat Alone》是一本由Keith Ferrazzi / Tahl Raz著作，Crown Business出版的Hardcover图书，本书定价：USD 26.00，页数：309，文章吧小编精心整理的一些读者的读后感，希望对大家能有帮助。
《Never Eat Alone》读后感(一)：Never Eat Alone
ection 1 : The Mind Set
overty, wasn’t only a lack of financial resources; it was isolation from the kind of people who could help you make more of yourself.
Generosity
Real networking was about finding ways to make other people more successful.
Until you become as willing to ask for help as you are to give it, you are only working half the equation.
ottom line: It’s better to give before you receive. And never keep score. If your interactions are ruled by generosity, your rewards will follow suit.
Contribute. Give your time, money, and expertise to your growing community of friends.
Goals
I recognized how something as simple as a clearly defined goal distinguished me from all those who simply floated through school waiting for things to happen.
The most simple version of the plan is separated into three distinct parts: The first part is devoted to the development of the goals that will help you fulfill your mission. The second part is devoted to connecting those goals to the people, places, and things that will help you get the job done. And the third part helps you determine the best way to reach out to the people who will help you to accomplish your goals. This means choosing a medium to connect, but, more important, it means finding a way to lead with generosity.
Connecting with others really just involves having a predetermined plan and carrying it out, whether you want to be a ninth-grade history teacher or start your own business.
Change
Change is hard. You might lose friends, encounter seemingly insurmountable obstacles, and face the most troubling hurdle of all— your own self-doubt.
The most important thing is to get to know these people as friends, not potential customers. Though you’re right about one thing: No matter how friendly you are, if the people you approach are any good at what they do, they won’t hire you right off the bat to do their PR. Which is why you should offer your services for free— at least at first.
Today you are unproven, and breaking in is tough. Eventually, you’ll have a growing circle of people who have seen your work and who believe in you. Those are the kinds of connections you’re looking to create if you’re going to start a business, or if you’re looking to change jobs or careers.
All of these suggestions will help you meet new people. And the law of probability ensures that the more new people you know, the more opportunities will come your way and the more help you’ll get at critical junctures in your career.
The big hurdles of networking revolve around the cold calls, the meeting of new people, and all the activities that involve engaging the unknown. But the first step has nothing to do with strangers; you should start connecting with the people you do know.
Every time I start to set limits to what I can and can’t do, or fear starts to creep into my thinking, I remember that Big Wheel tricycle. I remind myself how people with a low tolerance for risk, whose behavior is guided by fear, have a low propensity for success. My father taught me that the worst anyone can say is no. If they choose not to give their time or their help, it’s their loss.The choice isn’t between success and failure; it’s between choosing risk and striving for greatness, or risking nothing and being certain of mediocrity.
The best way to deal with this anxiety is to first acknowledge that our fear is perfectly normal. You are not alone. The second thing is to recognize that getting over that fear is critical to your success. The third is to commit to getting better.
et a goal for yourself of initiating a meeting with one new person a week. It doesn’t matter where or with whom. Introduce yourself to someone on the bus. Slide up next to someone at the bar and say hello. Suggest a coffee with someone you’re connected to online but whom you’ve never actually met. Hang out at the company watercooler and force yourself to talk to a fellow employee you’ve never spoken with. You’ll find that it gets easier and easier with practice.
ection 2: The skill sets
Do your homework
I generally prepare a one-page synopsis on the person I’m about to meet. The only criterion for what should be included is that I want to know what this person is like as a human being, what he or she feels strongly about, and what his or her proudest achievements are. Sure, you should also be up-to-date on what’s happening within the company of a person you want to establish a relationship with.
I never shy away from mentioning the research I’ve done. “I always make a special effort to inquire about the people I’d like to meet.” Inevitably, people are flattered. Wouldn’t you be？ Instantly, the other person knows that rather than suffering through a strained half hour with a stranger, they’re able to connect with someone with whom they share an interest, someone who has gone out of his way to get to know them better.
2. Take Names
First, I sat down and established ninety-day, one-year, and three-year goals in my Relationship Action Plan. Each goal required me to connect with and develop different parts of my network. To make these goals possible, I mapped out the most important players in both the online and games industries, from CEOs and journalists to programmers and academics. My goal was to get to know almost all of them within a year.
At the outset, concentrate on the people who are already part of your existing network. I bet you have no idea how vast and widespread it really is.
3. Warming the Cold Call
And when you do finally connect, don’t sabotage your efforts by expressing how annoyed you are that they didn’t get back to you as quickly as you would have liked. Nor should you apologize for your persistence. Just dive in as if you caught him on the first call. Make it comfortable for everyone.
“Hi, Serge. It’s Keith Ferrazzi. John’s talked highly of you for some time, and I’ve finally got a nice excuse to give you a call. I’m calling for my friend Jeff Arnold, the founder of WebMD, who has a new, very powerful way to distribute digital content. With some of the new products you’ll be launching this quarter, it could make for the perfect partnership. I’ll be in New York next week. Let’s get together. Or, if getting together this trip isn’t convenient, I’ll make room in my schedule for whenever it’s more convenient for you.”
Four rules for warm calling: (1) Convey credibility by mentioning a familiar person or institution— in this case, John, Jeff, and WebMD. (2) State your value proposition: Jeff’s new product would help Serge sell his new products. (3) Impart urgency and convenience by being prepared to do whatever it takes whenever it takes to meet the other person on his or her own terms. (4) Be prepared to offer a compromise that secures a definite follow-up at a minimum.
Credibility is the first thing you want to establish in any interaction, and, ultimately, no one will buy from you unless you establish trust. Having a mutual friend or even acquaintance will immediately make you stand out from the other anonymous individuals
Instead of closing with “We should get together sometime soon,” I like to finalize with something like “I’m going to be in town next week. How about lunch on Tuesday？ I know this is going to be important for both of us, so I’ll make time no matter what.”
4. Managing the Gatekeeper— Artfully
5. Never Eat Alone
Have you taken a colleague to lunch lately？ Why not invite him or her out today— and include a few other people from different parts of your company or business network.
I highly recommend you budget some time and money for conferences, and to visit cities where you can schedule a few days or even just an overnight during which you host a cocktail party or schedule a bunch of meetings.
6. Share Your Passions
1. Fifteen minutes and a cup of coffee. It’s quick, it’s out of the office, and it’s a great way to meet someone new. This proved one of my most popular recommendations from the first edition of this book. I know, because I started getting dozens of requests a week for these meetings. So remember my earlier advice: Make sure you lay out very clearly why those fifteen minutes will be valuable to them.
2. Conferences. If I’m attending a conference in, say, Seattle, I’ll pull out a list of people in the area I know or would like to know better and see if they might like to drop in for a particularly interesting keynote speech or dinner.
3. Invite someone to share a workout or a hobby (golf, chess, stamp collecting, a book club, etc.).
4. A quick early breakfast, lunch, drinks after work, or dinner together. There’s nothing like food to break the ice.
5. Invite someone to a special event. For me, a special event such as an evening at the theater, a book-signing party, or a concert is made even more special if I bring along a few people who I think might particularly enjoy the occasion.
6. Entertaining at home. I view dinner parties at home as sacred. I like to make these events as intimate as possible. To ensure they stay that way, I generally will invite only one or two people I don’t know that well. By dinner’s end, I want those people leaving my home feeling as if they’ve made a whole new set of friends, and that’s hard to do if it’s a dinner filled with strangers.
7. Volunteering. Work with an organization to create a day of service that can involve five to ten volunteers, or pull together a team to join a charity walk. Or, for something more informal, pull a group together to pack lunches and distribute them in an area where you know you’ll find many people in need.
7. Follow Up or Fail
Give yourself between 12 and 24 hours after you meet someone to follow up.If you meet somebody on a plane, send them an e-mail later that day. If you meet somebody over cocktails, send them an e-mail the next morning.For random encounters and chance meetings, e-mail is a fine tool for dropping a quick note to say, “It was a pleasure meeting you. We must keep in touch.” In such an e-mail, I like to cite something particular we talked about in the course of our conversation— whether a shared hobby or business interest— that serves as a mental reminder of who I am.
You might follow the e-mail up with a LinkedIn request if you see they use the site.Depending on the circumstances and how well we clicked, I might send a Facebook request as well. There are some people who are cagey about using Facebook for work contacts, so I’m always careful to give them an easy out: “If you use Facebook for new friends, I’d love to connect here. If not, no worries— I’ll be in touch.”
When I leave the meeting, I put the name and e-mail address of the new acquaintance in my contact list and program my calendar to remind me in a month’s time to drop the person another e-mail, just to keep in touch.
“It was great talking to you over lunch yesterday. I wanted to follow up with some thoughts we discussed yesterday. I believe Ferrazzi Greenlight can serve the interests of your company, and I’ve had time to work out the finer details. The next time I’m in town, I’d love to get on your calendar and chat for five or ten minutes.”
ut remember— and this is critical— don’t remind them of what they can do for you; instead,focus on what you might be able to do for them. It’s about giving them a reason to want to follow up.Another effective way to follow up is to forward relevant articles to the people in your network who might be interested.When people do this for me, I’m tremendously appreciative; it shows they’re thinking about me and the issues I’m facing.
Here are a few more reminders of what to include in your follow-ups:
• Always express your gratitude.
• Be sure to include an item of interest from your meeting or conversation— a joke or a shared moment of humor.
• Reaffirm whatever commitments you both made— going both ways.
• Be brief and to the point.
• Always address the thank-you note to the person by name.
• Use e-mail and snail mail. The combination adds a personalized touch.
• After e-mailing, send requests to connect through social media.
• Timeliness is key. Send them as soon as possible after the meeting or interview.
• Many people wait until the holidays to say thank you or reach out. Why wait？ Your follow-ups will be timelier, more appropriate, and certainly better remembered.
• Don’t forget to follow up with those who have acted as the go-between for you and someone else. Let the original referrer know how the conversation went, and express your appreciation for their help.
8. Be a Conference Commando
Don’t just be an attendee; be a conference commando!
8.1 Help the Organizer (Better Yet, Be the Organizer)
I like to call these people a few months ahead of the event and say, “I’m really looking forward to the conference you’re putting together. I’m interested in helping make this year be the best year ever, and I’m willing to devote a chunk of my resources— be it time, creativity, or connections— to make this year’s event a smash hit. How can I help？”
8.2 Listen. Better Yet, Speak
As a speaker at a conference, you have a special status, making meeting people much easier. Attendees expect you to reach out and greet them. They, in turn, give you respect that they don’t accord their fellow attendees. Instant credibility and faux fame is bestowed upon you when you’re on a stage (and pretty much any stage, at that).
What if you are at a conference and you’re not a speaker？ There are other places to distinguish yourself. Remember, you’re not there just to learn new things from other people— you’re there to meet others and have others meet and remember you.When sessions open up for questions, try and be among the first people to put your hand in the air.A really well-formed and insightful question is a mini-opportunity to get seen by the entire audience.Be sure to introduce yourself, tell people what company you work for, what you do, and then ask a question that leaves the audience buzzing. Ideally, the question should be related to your expertise so you have something to say when someone comes up and says, “That was an interesting question.”
8.3 Organize a Conference Within a Conference
8.4 Draft Off a Big Kahuna
Check the convention program for the names of luminaries and key figures. Make those the sessions you attend. Arrive early at events where they’ll be speaking. Stand near key entrances or registration tables. Be ready to introduce yourself, or stay behind for a quick chance to meet them. You must remember to talk with speakers before they’ve hit the stage.
8.5 Be an Information Hub
Go beyond just memorizing the conference’s brochure. Identify information the people around you would like to know, and come prepared. This might include information about trade gossip, the best local restaurants, private parties, etc. Pass key information along, or let others know how they can obtain it. This role does not end with the networking event, of course. As an information resource, you’re someone always worth knowing.
8.6 Become a Reporter
Take pictures of the people you meet and the parties and sessions you attend— both for tweeting and to help you remember. Take notes on everything, and when the event is over, whip it all into a story or a photo series for posting on your blog, e-mailing to people you met, pushing out through Facebook, etc. Pro tip: Don’t wait until two weeks after the conference. Do it on the plane home and get it out immediately so that it gets to people while they’re still fresh from the conference high.
8.7 Master the Deep Bump
Most people think a conference is a good time to market their wares. They rush from room to room desperately trying to sell themselves. But a commando knows that you have to get people to like you first.The sales come later— in the follow-up discussions you have after the conference. Now is the time to begin to build trust and a relationship.
8.8 Know Your Targets
As he walked by, I got his attention. “Mr. Diller, my name is Keith Ferrazzi. I work for Barry Sternlicht as his CMO at Starwood. He’s mentioned before that you and I should talk, and I thought I’d just make the introduction myself. I know you’re busy, but I’m wondering if I can call your office and arrange a time to meet with you when we get back home？” Pause— during which he responded, “Sure, call my New York office.” “Great, I wanted to talk to you about a number of ideas I have about your business, but I’ve also admired your career and the pioneering work you’ve done for a long time.”
8.9 Breaks Are No Time to Take a Break
8.10 Follow Up
An example of a follow-up email:Hey Carla, Wow, what a fun time. I didn’t expect tequila shots to be a part of the Forbes CIO conference. We definitely have to make this an annual occurrence. Hey, I also wanted to follow up with our discussion on your marketing strategy and your interest in the Ferrazzi Greenlight loyalty strategy work we’ve done as a way to help reach your adult women demographic. When can you do a call this week, or at your leisure？ Also, I wanted to say that I heard no fewer than three separate people talk about your session and what a great speaker you were. Congrats! Best, Keith
8.11 It’s the People, Not the Speakers
Even when the speaker is interesting, the mentality is the same: It’s always about the people.
8.12 Don’t act like:
the wallflower 不要躲在角落
the ankle hugger 不要太热情，而是collect as many follow-ups as you can
the celebrity hound 不一定要认识最出名的那个人
the smarmy eye darter 不要太奉承 If you spend only thirty seconds with someone, make it thirty seconds of warmth and sincerity.
the card dispenser : This person gloats over the number of contacts he’s made. In reality, he’s created nothing more valuable than a phone book with people’s names and numbers to cold-call.
9. Connecting with Connectors
ersonal contacts are the key to opening doors - not such a revolutionary idea.
10. Expanding Your Circle
The most efficient way to enlarge and tap the full potential of your circle of friends is to connect your circle with someone else's. If you are sharing someone else's circle of friends, be sure that you adequately acknowledge the person who ushered you into this new world. NEVER forget the person who brought you to the dance.
11. The Art of Small Talk
When it comes to making an impression, differentiation is the name of the game. And vulnerability is the birthplace of innovation, creativity, and change.
Of course, there are always fail-safe conversation starters suitable for every business function: How did you get started in your business？ What do you enjoy most about your profession？ Tell me about some of the challenges of your job？ But safety— whether in conversation, business, or life— generally produces “safe” (read: boring) results.
The real winners are those people who put it all out there and don’t waste a bunch of time and energy trying to be something (or someone) they’re not. Charm is simply a matter of being yourself. Your uniqueness is your power.
11. 1 Learn the Power of Nonverbal Cues
How do you get someone who doesn’t know you to feel comfortable talking？
• First, give the person a hearty smile. It says, “I’m approachable.”
• Maintain a good balance of eye contact. Somewhere between 70 and 100% is the balance you’re looking for.
• Unfold your arms and relax.
• Nod your head and lean in, but without invading the other person’s space.
• Learn to touch people. My favorite way to break through the distance between the person I’m trying to establish a bond with and me is to touch the other person’s elbow.
11.2 Be Sincere
Whether you spend five seconds or five hours with a new contact or acquaintance, make the time count. Eye darters are a party staple. Frankly, it’s a disgusting habit, and one that’s sure to put off those around you.
11.3 Develop Conversational Currency
When meeting someone new, be prepared to have something to say. Keep up with current events. Cultivate some niche interest. A single narrow specialty (cooking, golf, gardening) for which you have passion will have surprising expansive powers.
11.4 Adjust Your Johari Window
uccessful communication depends, according to the model, on the degree to which we can align ourselves and our windows to match those we interact with.
One helpful technique I use is to try to envision myself as a mirror to the person with whom I’m speaking. What’s the cadence of her speech？ How loudly does she talk？ What’s her body language？ By adjusting your behavior to mirror the person you are talking to, he’ll automatically feel more comfortable.
11.5 Make a Graceful Exit
How do you conclude a conversation？ During meetings and social gatherings, I’m often quite blunt. I’ll mention something meaningful that was said in the course of our conversation and say, “There are so many wonderful people here tonight; I’d feel remiss if I didn’t at least try to get to know a few more of them. Would you excuse me for a second？” People generally understand, and appreciate the honesty. There’s also always the drink option. I’ll say: “I’m going to get another drink. Would you like one？” If they say no, I don’t have an obligation to come back. If they say yes, I’ll be sure to enter into another conversation on my way to the bar. When I return with a drink, I’ll say, “I just ran into some people you should meet. Come on over.”
11.6 Until We Meet Again
In order to establish a lasting connection, small talk needs to end on an invitation to continue the relationship. Be complementary and establish a verbal agreement to meet again, even if it’s not business. “You really seem to know your wines. I’ve enjoyed tapping your wisdom; we should get together sometime to talk about wine. We can both bring one of our more interesting bottles.”
11.7 Learn to Listen
Take the initiative and be the first person to say hello. This demonstrates confidence and immediately shows your interest in the other person. When the conversation starts, don’t interrupt. Show empathy and understanding by nodding your head and involving your whole body in engaging the person you’re talking with. Ask questions that demonstrate (sincerely) that you believe the other person’s opinion is particularly worth seeking out. Focus on his triumphs. Laugh at his jokes. And always, always, remember the other person’s name. Nothing is sweeter to someone’s ears than his own name.At the moment of introduction, I visually attach a person’s name to his face. Seconds later, I’ll repeat his name to make sure I got it, and then again periodically throughout the conversation.
chapter 18 Health, Wealth, and Children
The only way to get people to do anything is to recognize their importance and thereby make them feel important. Every person’s deepest lifelong desire is to be significant and to be recognized. What better way is there to show appreciation and to lavish praise on others than to take an interest in who they are and what their mission is？
There are three things in this world that engender deep emotional bonds between people. They are health, wealth, and children.
When you help someone through a health issue, positively impact someone’s personal wealth, or take a sincere interest in their children, you engender life-bonding loyalty. Sometimes, all it requires is taking an interest and providing emotional support.
Have you helped someone lose weight by passing on a good diet？ Have you found a particular vitamin or supplement that has helped you and passed it on to others？ These may seem like little things. But with these three issues, health and diet included, the little things mean everything.
Where do you start？ You start with the philosophy, the worldview, that every human is an opportunity to help and be helped. The rest— whether it means helping with someone’s health, wealth, children, or any other unsatisfied desires— follows from that.
Chapter 19 Social Arbitrage
I usually love taking calls asking for favors when time allows, because I’m able to play confidante, counselor, or even concierge for so many different people. I’m constantly introducing two people from different parts of my life who might benefit from knowing each other. It’s a sort of ongoing puzzle, matching up the right people and the right opportunities. Once you, too, start to see the world this way, it opens up exciting opportunities. It’s both rewarding and fun.
Real power comes from being indispensable. Indispensability comes from being a switchboard, parceling out as much information, contacts, and goodwill to as many people— in as many different worlds— as possible.
The ability to bridge different worlds, and even different people within the same profession, is a key attribute in managers who are paid better and promoted faster.
erforming social arbitrage when your financial and relational resources are thin is actually not too big a hurdle. The solution is knowledge, one of the most valuable currencies in social arbitrage. The ability to distribute knowledge in a network is a fairly easy skill to learn. So easy, in fact, you should get started today.
You can be more successful in two months by becoming really interested in other people’s success than you can in two years trying to get other people interested in your own success.
Chapter 20 Pinging- All the Time
One way I’ve found to make maintaining my network of contacts, colleagues, and friends easier is to create a rating system for the network that corresponds to how often I reach out. First, I divide my network into five general categories: Under “Personal,” I include my good friends and social acquaintances. Because I’m generally in contact with these people organically, I don’t include them on a contact list. The relationship is established, and when we talk, it’s as if we’d been in touch every day. “Customers” and “Prospects” are self-explanatory. “Important Business Associates” is reserved for people I’m actively involved with professionally. “Aspirational Contacts,” I list people I’d like to get to know, or I’ve met briefly (which is anyone from your boss’s boss to a worthy celebrity) and would like to establish a better relationship with.
After reading the chapter on taking names, you’ve probably already begun to segment and categorize your network in a way that works for you— there is no standard method here. Create a segmentation that works for you and your objectives. This is a good habit and one that deserves repeating.
The question now is, How often do you contact each person on the list？ I use a pretty simple system, but there’s no reason you can’t improve upon it. I’ll go down my master list and add the numbers 1, 2, or 3 next to each name. A “1” gets contacted at least each month. This means I’m actively involved with the person, whether it’s a friend or a new business associate. With new relationships, a “1” generally means I have yet to solidify the relationship with at least three different orms of communication. Each time I reach out to a person, I like to include a very short note next to their name telling me the last time I contacted them and how. If last month I sent an e-mail saying hello to a potential customer rated “1,” this month I’ll give a call. Also, contacts designated “1” I add to my cell phone’s Favorites list. It allows me quick reference and an easy way to get in touch fast. If I have a free moment in a cab, I’ll just go down my Favorites and make several calls or send texts to keep in touch with people I’ve not spoken to recently.
A “2” rating indicates my “touch base” people. These are either casual acquaintances or people whom I already know well. They get a quarterly call or e-mail, and I monitor their social media updates to keep up with their news and find opportunities where I can be useful. I try to include these people in occasional mass e-mails about my business. And like the rest of my network, they get either an annual holiday card or a birthday call.
Those people rated “3” are people I don’t know well, who, because of time and circumstance, I’m unable to devote any significant energy to pinging. These people are strictly acquaintances, people I’ve met in passing but who have found their way into my address book. I hope to reach this group, in some direct way, at least once a year. The surprising thing about this category is that, because you don’t know the person all that well, when you do reach out with a card or e-mail, the reaction is wonderful.
Example: “Hi, Jan. Just landed in New York and it made me think of you. No time to meet this trip, but I just wanted to touch base.”
For people important to my career or business, I tend to favor the value-add ping. Here I’m trying to provide something of value in my communication, recognizing when someone I know gets a promotion, or the company he or she runs has a good financial quarter, or he or she has a child. I also like to send relevant articles, short notes of advice, or other small tokens that convey that I am paying attention to what’s important to them and am eager to help.
My personal favorite pinging occasion remains birthdays. It used to be that as you got older, the people around you started forgetting your big day (mostly because they think they want to forget their own). Now that anyone active in social media receives ubiquitous reminders, most of us wake up to a hearty, network-wide congratulations on our public profiles on our birthdays. It’s honestly heartwarming— all that quantity feels good. But we still want quality, too, although people are quick to deny it.
Chapter 21 Find Anchor Tenants and Feed Them
early once a month an array of different people from different worlds gathers at my home in Los Angeles or hotel suite in New York or a friend’s home in San Francisco to have fun, talk business, and meet new people. But I learned the art of throwing these events back in my dingy Cambridge apartment. Before my dinner parties had any cachet, I had to develop a deliberate strategy for attracting a good mix of people that would expand my social horizons and get a reputation that would keep people coming back.
Generally, when you invite someone to dinner, you get a 20 to 30 percent acceptance rate because of scheduling difficulties. When invitees say they cannot come because of another dinner or engagement, I often suggest they come before the dinner for drinks and appetizers, or even after, for dessert and drinks. These “bonus guests” will arrive a little before dinner has concluded. I’ll have folding chairs at the ready so they can pull up next to the dinner table, have dessert, and chat with the guests. Just when most dinner parties tend to slip and people begin to look at their watches thinking about what time they have to get up in the morning, the energy level spikes with a whole new group. Suddenly, the dinner turns raucous again.
You see, there’s only one real rule to these get-togethers: Have fun. All right, there are a few other rules that might help you along the way. Among them:
1. Create a theme.
2. Use invitations.
3. Don’t be a kitchen slave.
4. Create atmosphere.
5. Forget being formal.
6. Don’t seat couples together.
7. Relax.
After an event, send your thanks along with a few photos and party highlights around via e-mail (“ Bcc” ing everyone) or a private link. This friendly follow-up helps to pour water on all the seeds of connection planted at the event, and prompts your guests to do their own follow-up. They’ll be thankful!
Chapter 22 Tap the Fringe
Who refuse the notion that the two concepts must be mutually exclusive— have a small core of very strong, intimate relationships and a large, diverse network from which they can pull the resources, information, and people they require to address unexpected needs.
Most of my social media time I reserve for moments that would otherwise be unproductive— planes, trains, and automobiles. These are the same little snatches of time I use for pinging.
Chapter 23 Become the King of Content
You don’t have to go the “shock and awe” route to build yourself a trusting audience. But you do need to find your own version of authentic, value-based content that is uniquely you, and infused with GVAC— my shorthand for those critical traits generosity, vulnerability, accountability, and candor.
Join Conversations Before You Start Them 不用自己先发起话题 可以先加入别人话题
Every Headline Is a Pitch
Again, if you believe your content has value for people (and that should be your first rule of content), generosity means thinking carefully about how to make that value immediately clear. Otherwise, people will pass it by. Think about e-mail. When you send a message, you know how important it is— to you. But to the person on the other end, it’s just one of dozens he or she has received that day, with nothing to distinguish it, except one thing, if you do it right: the subject line.
ecome Your Own Editor in Chief
Consistency helps readers engage. That’s why you should think like an editor when feeding your online outposts. Create an editorial schedule of what kind of content you’ll post and when, and you’ll quickly find that providing some structure to your efforts makes it a lot easier to be accountable to your plans to communicate through social media.
eople are desperate for authenticity. Everywhere you look today there’s someone lying about something, some organization glossing over the truth, some person not telling it like it is. There’s a scarcity of the authentic in our culture. “So many people are liars: they lie to themselves, they lie to their friends, they lie to their lovers, clients, customers, colleagues, that if you become the one in a thousand that is truly honest, then you will stand out,” writes Altucher. “And when you stand out you will find success. You will find money. You will find happiness. You will find health.”
Chapter 24 Engineering Serendipity
Consider spending time in other cities or even countries as an investment in your career. Attend conferences, which are terrific for serendipity not only because they bring together diverse groups of people around a similar interest, but also because all those people are there for the same reason— to meet new people and learn new things. They are in a mind-set that invites serendipity.
If you plan your whole life, by definition you can’t get lucky. So you have to leave that little slot open.
You can design your own life to maximize serendipity, with a little awareness. You’ll have to leave time on your schedule for things that in the moment may seem so far removed from your immediate goals that they seem silly— a trip to the park, coffee with an old classmate, going left when you would normally go right. Say yes to new experiences when you would normally say no.
Chapter 25 Be Interesting
How can you talk to people when they have nothing to say？ How can you offer your company or your network anything of value if you have not thought about how you want to stand out and differentiate yourself in building that relationship？
There’s no better way to learn something, and become an expert at it, than to have to teach it.
In short, forget your job title and forget your job deｓｃｒｉｐｔion (for the moment, at least). Starting today, you’ve got to figure out what exceptional expertise you’re going to master that will provide real value to your network and your company.
I’d apply the 80/ 20 rule, in that you should spend some time getting better at your weaknesses but really focus on building your strengths.
Don’t get discouraged.
“How does my content help others answer who they are, where they are from, and where they are going？”
Forget bullet points and slide shows. When you’ve figured out what your content is, tell an inspiring story that will propel your friends and associates into action with spirit and fearlessness, motivated and mobilized by your simple but profound storytelling.
Chapter 28 Getting Close to Power
onprofit Boards
tart out by finding four or five issues that are important to you and then support them locally. Successful nonprofits seek out a few famous people to sit on their boards to help them get publicity. Eventually, the goal is to become a board member yourself and sit side by side with these people. But be sure you care and indeed want to help the cause.
Whether it’s golf, tennis, bowling, or boot camp, the idea is to make it communal— join a league, a club, or an event, and you’re bound to meet some new, exciting people.
You’re a star in your own right, with your own accomplishments, and you have a whole lot to give to the world.
Chapter 29 Build it and they will come
Even a Harvard MBA or an invitation to Davos is no substitute for personal initiative. If you can’t find an outfit to join that allows you to make a difference, then recognize what you do have to offer— your particular expertise, contacts, interests, or experience. Rally people behind them and make your own difference.
CHAPTER 30 Never Give In to Hubris
Looking back now, I’m appreciative of the experience. I learned some valuable lessons.
For one, I had to begin the journey to change my leadership style. It wasn’t enough to get things done. You had to get things done and make the people around you feel involved, and not just part of the process but part of the leadership. I learned that commitments weren’t commitments unless everyone involved knew what was on the table with absolute clarity. I learned how truly small the world is, especially the world of the rich and powerful.
Most important, I learned that arrogance is a disease that can betray you into forgetting your real friends and why they’re so important. Even with the best of intentions, too much hubris will stir up other people’s ire and their desire to put you in your place. So remember, in your hike up the mountain, be humble. Help others up the mountain along with and before you. Never let the prospect of a more powerful or famous acquaintance make you lose sight of the fact that the most valuable connections you have are those you’ve already made at all levels.
CHAPTER 31 Find Mentors, Find Mentees. Repeat
Mentoring is a very deliberate activity that requires people to check their ego at the door, hold back from resenting other people’s success, and consciously strive to build beneficial relationships whenever the opportunity arises. Other interns at that party looked at Pat and the other senior partners with intimidation and boredom (What do I have in common with them？) and therefore kept their distance. They looked at their job titles versus the bigwigs’ and felt excluded, and because of it, they were.
The best way to approach utility is to give help first, and not ask for it. If there is someone whose knowledge you need, find a way to be of use to that person. Consider their needs and how you can assist them. If you can’t help them specifically, perhaps you can contribute to their charity, company, or community.
If young folks are going to get my help, and they haven’t even offered their help in return, then at minimum they should attempt to endear themselves to me. Tell me why you’re special. Tell me what we have in common. Express gratitude, excitement, and passion.
It’s not enough simply to reach out to others; instead, we all must be vigilant that our efforts to bring people together are in line with our efforts to, in part, make the world a better place.
Of course, when you’re driven by principles, there are always sacrifices involved. But your determination to connect with others should never come at the expense of your values. In fact, your network of colleagues and friends, if chosen wisely, can help you fight for causes you believe in.
CHAPTER 32 Balance Is B.S.
When you’re out of balance, you’ll know because you’ll be rushed, angry, and unfulfilled. When you’re balanced, you’ll be joyful, enthusiastic, and full of gratitude.
Try to save time by eating our lunches at our desk？ We have less serendipitous conversations with colleagues, strangers, and other “nonessentials” at the watercooler.
eople tell us, “If you just get more organized, if you strike a balance between work and home, and limit yourself to the important people in your life, you’ll feel better.” That’s just totally misguided. What they should be saying is “I gotta get a life filled with people I love.” The problem, as I see it, isn’t what you’re working on, it’s whom you’re working with. You can’t feel in love with your life if you hate your work; and, more times than not, people don’t love their work because they work with people they don’t like. Connecting with others doubles and triples your opportunities to meet with people who can lead to a new and exciting job.
Oscar Wilde once suggested that if people did what they loved, it would feel as if they never worked a day in their life. If your life is filled with people you care about and who care for you, why concern yourself with “balancing” anything at all？
CHAPTER 33 Welcome to the Connected Age
Remember that love, reciprocity, and knowledge are not like bank accounts that grow smaller as you use them. Creativity begets more creativity, money begets more money, knowledge begets more knowledge, more friends beget more friends, success begets even more success. Most important, giving begets giving. At no time in history has this law of abundance been more apparent than in this connected age where the world increasingly functions in accord with networking principles.
Wherever you are in life right now, and whatever you know, is a result of the ideas, experiences, and people you have interacted with in your life, whether in person, through books and music, e-mail, or culture. There is no score to keep when abundance leads to even more abundance. So make a decision that from this day forward you will start making the contacts and accumulating the knowledge, experiences, and people to help you achieve your goals.
ut first be honest with yourself. How much time are you ready to spend on reaching out and giving before you get？ How many mentors do you have？ How many people have you mentored？ What do you love to do？ How do you want to live？ Whom do you want to be part of your quilt？
From my own experience, I can tell you the answers will come as a surprise. What’s important probably won’t come down to a job, a company, or a cool new piece of technology. It will come down to people. It’s up to each of us, working together with people we love, to make the world a world we want to live in. As the anthropologist Margaret Mead once said, “Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has.”
《Never Eat Alone》读后感(二)：Never Eat Alone Takeaways
Ch 19
When someone is in need, connect her with another person in your network. Have contacts in separate groups.
Ch 20
end birthday cards/make birthday phone calls
Make personal brand. Be careful of how you present yourself, clothing, behavior, conversational style.
Hang out with high-level persons, approach powerful persons.
《Never Eat Alone》读后感(三)：Equity Brings about Equity
I thought the book would be a long and boring business cookbook. But I was wrong. I started the book and simply could not stop. It does teach me a lot about cultivating personal network.
The best lesson I learnt from this book is "Equity brings about equity in building relationship". Normally, people treat their personal connections as personal equity and they use the equity only when necessary. This attitude is completely refuted by Keith. In Keith's viewpoint, connections mean to be interactive. It's always good to find excuses to interact with the person we think valuable to us, even it means to introduce the valuable person to others. Also, Keith argues that connections lead to new connections. To be helpful to others opens up one's own door to the other person's network. It's a very constructive way to build personal network.
The importance of building network can't be too emphasized. Keith lists a lot of methods and guiding principles in building relationships effectively. It's inspiring to read the Keith's arguments and then reflect on my own attitudes.
The reason I give the book four stars rather than five is that Keith does lack one part of building up personal network. In this book, building relationship is always done aggressively. I don't think being aggressive is wrong, but there are people who build their networks in the other way. These people may be effective leaders who try to be charismatic and thus attract people to them. Arguably, not many people are charismatic. But as a reader, I'd be happy to see how charisma works and why it works.
《Never Eat Alone》读后感(四)：你想吃的是怎样的一餐饭？
读多了小说，想着换换口味。于是翻开了这本书。
中文版曾经很火，只是那时候没看。印象中，在影视中，叫Keith的外国人好像都是很入世的，写出本书的这位作者也不例外。他本人是一家数字化营销公司的首席执行官，算是个成功人士。这本书，其实是在讲他的成功之道。对人脉的建立和维护是其核心。
作者善良而且有心。他一直用心地建立和维护人脉。其中很重要的部分就是吃饭。便饭、宴会、家庭聚会，各种饭都很用心地在吃，和各种不同的人吃，认识各种朋友，互相帮各种忙。看得很烦躁，因为太入世了吧。一方面很佩服作者，功夫做到这样，不成功也难。另一方面，觉得这样的人生未免太累，想学无能。
《Never Eat Alone》读后感(五)：对我等内向人群，就是一记重拳
先说优点：
1.作者自己年轻有为，用自身的成功来教导大家如何迅速拓展自己的人际关系网络，看完之后，对于我这种宅人而言，其实大有裨益。
2. 干货：the mindset of connecting matters most in finance industry.
you can't succeed without the help of others.
Here are the tips for expanding relationship network:
you should---- Always looking to help or connect people, Have a story to tell, Show vulnerability first to make the conversation more intimate, Become indispensible in one specific area to become more valuable to your company, Ping your contacts at least once a quarter, Do your homework; make sure you know details about the people you will be meeting, Be bold; believe you have something to offer and others will treat you as such, and Speak at, or start a conference to develop your personal brand.
3. 我自己是introvert，和陌生人交往其实是非常痛苦而且耗费精力的，不幸现在在金融行业中从事的是front office-- sales， 每天下班之后都觉得totally drained.
书中给出的挺具体的建议，例如明确目标，列日程表，定期拜访，记住客户的生活细节从而显得真诚，其实对现在的工作都大有裨益。
吐槽部分：
1. 本书本质上是作者及其公司的软广告
2. 作者阐述大部分观点都是这样：从前，我遵循了这条法则，于是我年纪轻轻就取得了成功；相反，我有个小伙伴，他曾经一度也挺成功的哦，可是他的想法和我不同，果然，他很快事业失败、消失在人海中了……
3. 本书的很多结论和tips很好，可惜论证方法应该被打成筛子啊，世间人人参差百态，大佬您成功了，别人按照您的法则，死在沙滩上的也比比皆是。
4.阅读此书的另外好处是：边看书可以顺带锻炼一下critical thinking
《Never Eat Alone》读后感(六)：成功是无法复制的
之所以觉得成功是无法复制的，是因为本来我们每个人对成功的定义就不同，而一个人之所以能达到大众所较为公认的成功标准，那就证明他必有别人所不能做到之处，不然这个公认的成功标准也就成不了众人无法企及的标准了。
其实一直很反感这种所谓的“名人励志书”，想起来看这本书，是因为最近的人际关系上出了一些问题，急切地想要寻找到一个答案，看完还是没找到，但大概明白了一些。就书本身的内容来说，还是有不少人际关系中的小技巧可以学习的，并不是说要将自己变得势力，想把所有人都变成自己的“人脉”，而是我们都想与有趣的人做朋友，因为觉得跟他们在一起很快乐，但是有时候有趣的人并不想和我们做朋友，书中讲述的一些小细节、小注意点可以帮助我们让自己变得更有趣，能找到更多有意思的朋友。比如说“记住别人名字”这一点，我就实在实在太差，有时候花很久都记不清别人的名字，可能是因为不够重视，所以在这方面没有花心思。
所以，给四星的目的是这些小细节，但本书确实没能回答我的人际关系问题。书中在最后问读者：你能否像作者那样花上那么多时间在人际交往中。坦诚来说，我不能！我需要自己的独处空间，我有时候就需要自己一个人坐着，或许啥也不想，但不能24h都身边围着人，我会觉得累。所以作者的成功也是无法复制的，我们可以刻意去学习他，甚至尝试书中的一切步骤，来建立起自己的relationship，但问题在于，几乎所有人都不可能像作者那样几十年如一日地这样生活下去。可能作者本人是非常幸运的，能将生意伙伴融入到自己的朋友圈子来，但我做不到。即便是大牛，有时候我也觉得只要远远仰视，洗耳恭听其教诲与经验即可。
除了那些小技巧，书里让我留下深刻印象的，就是关于“真诚、馈赠别人”这个观点了。对人真诚才能换来真心，真诚地帮助别人才能“交朋友”而不是“得人脉”。这点儿在生活中也是深有体会，以前有好的兼职、实习，愿意想着同学师弟师妹，他们有问题也非常乐意解答。没有期望他们将来成为我的“人脉”，能给我生活上、职业上有所帮助，只是觉得这是做“师姐”、“校友”应尽的义务而已。然后逐渐发现，他们都记在心上，反过来有好兼职也会介绍给我，在我真的需要帮忙的时候，都会站出来帮忙。我想把这一点归结为存善心必有善报，啊，现在真是越来越相信因果报应了！
再者，关于成功这个问题，作者问道如何让自己被世人记住。嗯，我不想被世人记住，那样我得牺牲多少孤独却能平复自我的时；我就想那些我认为可以成为我生活上的朋友的人，也认可我这个朋友，认为我是一个能给他们生活带来乐趣或者帮助的人。但凡得不到的，不如都觉得是“没有缘分”。上帝为你关闭了一扇门，肯定是会打开另一扇窗的，这句话以前不懂，现在隐隐约约好像懂了一些。
《Never Eat Alone》读后感(七)：书中提到的30个小技巧（转自伊卡洛斯）
原文地址：http://book.douban.com/review/4983802/
1、成功的关键是慷慨大方：在社交中通行的不是贪图便利，而是慷慨大方。
2、明确你的人生目标：你的才能与渴望的交集就是你内心的激情。什么是你最兴奋的事？你做什么事时会觉得时间过得飞快？
3、为发展人际关系设定计划：打造交际网络是有过程的，你的计划应当包括以下三份：
1）你3年的目标，及每3个月的进度。
2）列出可以帮你实现每个目标的人。
3）如何与第2点中列出的人联系。一但你设立了目标，就贴在你经常看的到的地方。
4、打造出你个人的“智囊团”：找到愿意尽责帮助你的有识之士。他们就是你的“智囊团”.
5、在你需要前，打造好人际网络：要你发现要用到别人之前，就尽早的保持联系。重要的是把这些人当做是朋友，而不是潜在的客户。
6、与你认识的人保持好联系：刚开始时，要关注于你当前人际网络中的人。
7、乐于求助于别人：乐于索取可以创造出机遇。你应当像乐于帮助别人一样，乐于向他人索取。记住，要做好别人说”不”的最坏打算。
8、尊重别人：尊重每个人，不分高低贵贱。
9、了解与你交往的人：如果你有足够了解你交往的人，可以深入他的领域专业，与之对话。你就能很容易得到赞赏。找到一个丰富而有深度的共同点，之后你们就能容易交往并能留下深刻的印象。
10、了解其他人的兴趣：爱屋及乌，你很快就会成为他们生活的一部分。
11、决不独自用餐： 吃饭时非常易于轻松的交流。和别人一起吃，是交际的有效方法。
12、管理好你的信息：有效的信息管理非常重要。如果你有条理、专注、坚持，那没有人会离开你的交际网。
13、列出清单：按自己的目标分类（如潜在客户、潜在雇主等）整理出自己的列表。不仅要列出相关的单位，还要列出单位里有话语权的人。
14、列出你已经认识的人：列出你已经认识的人：亲戚、大学同学、过去的同学、之前的老师、之前的同事…….
15、利用别人的联系清单，补充自己的：他人的清单是你的资源。
16、试着联系完全陌生的人（ColdCall）：当你需要给陌生人打电话时，你多少都会有些惧怕。只管硬着头皮。只想着自己会成功。去认识一个新人是挑战，也是机遇。
17、坚持：如果你与他人联系，别人没有回音。你要继续与他们联系。你要占据主动。甚至是侵略性的。
18、联系有间接关联的人（WarmCall），用下面四条规则来：
1）表达可靠性：提及相关的人或单位。
2）提出有价值：你能为他们做什么？
3）告知急迫性和便利性：大部分情况下，冷不防打电话的唯一目的就是预约见面。
4）准备好折衷的方案：开始时定位高些，留下商量的空间。
19、把门卫看作盟友而非敌人：门卫也应当受到尊重。不要去惹恼他们。
20、努力保持可见和活跃：排满你的社交、会议和事件日程。你必须在初创的朋友和关系网络中保持可见和活跃。
21、分享你的激情：分享兴趣是任何关系的基础。当你确实对某些事感兴趣的时候，是很有感染力的.
22、强调时间质量：友谊建立在双方花费时间的质量上而非数量上。
23、会议上花时间与人交流：会议总被人误解为是寻找见解的地方。错！会议只有一个好处：那就是提供一个场所来结交志同道合的人。
24、做会议组织者：不要仅做参加者；做组织者。提前做好信息准备工作：打算见谁，怎么见，在哪见。
25、公开发言：发言是让别人记住你的最简单有效的方式之一。
26、与交际高手保持联系： 有一些人比我们认识的人多得多。这些人是各个网络的核心。你如果能和这些人交友。你与上千人的联系，就只要通过这一个人。
27、与其他人交换人脉：扩大你朋友圈的最有效的方法就是把你的圈子与别人的圈子相连。
28、做真实的自己：要让人印象深刻，与众不同是关键。要保证能与众不同，就要做真实的自己。做自己才有魅力。你的独特性是你的力量.
29、学会利用非语言的沟通：别人见到你，只要10秒钟就可以下意识的决定是否会喜欢你。这样的判断是基于出语言的沟通。
30、一定要记住别人的名字：没有什么比自己的名字听起来更舒服的了。
作者最后是这么说的：
不是为了搞人际关系而去交朋友，不断去结识朋友，它本身就是一种生活方式，所谓成功的人际交往其实就是以另一种方式来看这个世界。
总之，我们都要度过各自的人生，而所谓人生，本质上就是我们在这一生中跟哪些人共同度过。
《Never Eat Alone》读后感(八)：人脉学糟粕中的一朵奇葩
我们大部分人已经知道，在这个世界上任何两个人之间只需要通过六个中间人就可以互相认识。这是怎样实现的？
ecause some of those people know many, many more people than the rest of us.
这本书就是教你成为这种super-connectors（超级交际枢纽）。
本书作者从小时候给人当球童起，就发现了人脉的重要性，便不断地摸索和总结如何经营和提升自己人脉圈的方法。多年的摸爬滚打，使他终于从白手起家的穷小子，变成一颗美国商界璀璨的新星。他把自己如何与商场或政界中的风云人物交往的过程，用生动的笔调写了出来。读起来轻松活泼，不像国内某些用剪刀、糨糊攒起来的图书，大同小异、毫无趣味
这本书可以归结为卡内基How to win friends and influence people的升级版，理念几乎相同，境界却更高。
卡内基的这本书，中文译名，人性的弱点，风靡世界长达70多年。以前因为这个书名太功利，我自命清高对其嗤之以鼻，把它束之高阁。之后买了原版看，从此打破了自己对成功学一类书的看法，还做了长长的读书笔记http://book.douban.com/review/5291451/
说实话，以前自己对美国self-help类的成功学书从来没有好感，觉得都是其功利民族特性下催生出的金钱至上浅薄干瘪的小伎俩。然而近年来，我发现美国也慢慢涌现出了一批同样以人们谋福祉为目的，但充满灵气的指导性书籍，Stephen的7 habit算是第一本，现在这本never eat alone同样达到这样的境界。
现在年见识阅历渐长，越发觉卡内基的技巧非常有用的。卡内基他抓住了维系人际关系中一些关键的技术性的东西，人性中的“弱点”，基本上可以达到无往不利的地步。
但为什么我总是觉得有一种 “动机不纯” 的感觉？特别是当交朋友这种事情，都被诡秘地隐藏了某种目的，辅之以各种看似贴心的手段，越发让人觉得无法亲近。
ever eat alone把卡内基的理念进一步升华，也回答了我一直困惑的问题。
人之所以为人，就是因为我们活在各种各样的社会关系网中。自知或者不自知，这个由各种关系结成的网，也千头万缕地把我们生命的轨迹缠绕和左右。作者指出，从某种程度而言，把握生命，其实就是把握这些千丝万缕的关系网。如果这些或亲情，友情，伙伴的关系本身光明磊落，健康向上，那我们的人生轨迹也必将也是向上的
这是一本健康，向上，指导你如何交真心朋友，度过成功，有意义的人生的书。
作者最后是这么说的：
我们不是为了搞人际关系而去交朋友，不断去结识朋友，它本身就是一种生活方式，所谓成功的人际交往其实就是以另一种方式来看这个世界。
It's a way of living. I started to realize that connecting was actually a way of seeing the world.
总之，我们都要度过各自的人生，而所谓人生，本质上就是我们在这一生中跟哪些人共同度过。(In the end, we all live one life. And that life is all about the people we live it with.)
欢迎来到关联的时代！！
Welcome to the Connected Age.
End
============================
readingnote:
非常长，留给自己看吧。
1贫穷的真正可怕之处
.Poverty, I realized, wasn't only a lack of financial resources; it was isolation from the kind of people that could help you make more of yourself.
2.没有白手兴家之辈，没有人能脱离别人的帮助
There is no such thing as a "self-made" man. We are made up of thousands of others. Everyone who has ever done a kind deed for
us, or spoken one word of encouragement to us, has entered into
the make-up of our character and of our thoughts, as well as our
uccess.
3.先付出后索取
You gain trust by asking not what people can
do for you, to paraphrase an earlier Kennedy, but what you can do
for others.In other words, the currency of real networking is not greed but generosity.
4.如何结识更多的人
Right now, there are countless ways you can begin to create the kind of community that can help further your career. You can: (1)create a company-approved project that will force you to learnnew skills and introduce you to new people within your company;(2) take on leadership positions in the hobbies and outside organizations that interest you; (3) join your local alumni club and spend time with people who are doing the jobs you'd like to be doing; (4) enroll in a class at a community college on a subject
that relates to either the job you're doing now or a job you see
yourself doing in the future
5.你去请求人家帮助，最坏的结果，只不过是NO。那你还怕什么？Every time I start to set limits to what I can and can't do, or fear
tarts to creep into my thinking, I remember that Big Wheel tricycle.
I remind myself how people with a low tolerance for risk,
whose behavior is guided by fear, have a low propensity for success.The memories of those days have stuck with me. My father
taught me that the worst anyone can say is no. If they choose not
to give their time or their help, it's their loss.
othing in my life has created opportunity like a willingness
to ask, whatever the situation
6.冒险，则卓越。The choice isn't between success and failure; it's between choosing risk and striving for greatness, or risking nothing and being certain of mediocrity
7.别扯淡
Don't schmooze.
Have something to say, and say it with passion. Make sure you
have something to offer when you speak, and offer it with sincerity.
8.记住别人的名字，你就没什么人认识不到了
Remember, if you're organized, focused, and a stickler for taking
ames, there's no one that's out of reach.
9.兴趣才是大家互相交往的最纯真动机
hared interests are the basic building blocks of any relationshipIt is what you do together that matters, not how often you
meet. That's why you have to pay special attention to where you're
most comfortable and what activities you most enjoy.
Usually it's the events and activities you excel at that you're
most passionate about.
10.花时间交朋友也不要忘了你身边最重要的人
Of course, we all need to schedule the appropriate time
with friends and family as well, or just to read or relax. While
enriching your life to include others whenever and wherever you
104 Never Eat Alone
can, make sure you're not neglecting the key relationships in
your life.
When your day is fueled by passion, filled with interesting
eople to share it with, reaching out will seem less like a challenge
or a chore and more like an effortless consequence of the way
you work.
11.要步步紧随，做好跟进方案
Do you want to stand out from the crowd？ Then you'll be
miles ahead by following up better and smarter than the hordes
crambling for the person's attention. The fact is, most people
don't follow up very well, if at all. Good follow-up alone elevates
you above 95 percent of your peers. The follow-up is the hammer
and nails of your networking tool kit.
In fact, FOLLOW-UP IS THE KEY TO SUCCESS IN ANY
FIELD.
12让跟进成为一种习惯
.Make follow-up a habit. Make it automatic. When you do,
the days of struggling to remember people's names—and of other
eople struggling to remember yours—will be a thing of the
ast.
13.演讲是让人认识你最有效的方式
ut there may be no better place to extend your professional
etwork and, on occasion, get deals done
14演讲的重要性
Listen. Better Yet, Speak.Calm yourself. First, you should know that giving speeches is
one of the easiest and most effective ways to get yourself, your
usiness, and your ideas seen, heard of, and remembered,
15做了准备工作，你知道每个人，你就牛逼了
.Be an Information Hub
Once you've created an opportunity to meet new people,
establish yourself as an "information hub"—a key role of any
good networker
16.休息时间就是你认识人的时间
reaks Are No Time to Take a Break
reaks are where the real work happens at a conference.
Make sure and stake out the right place.
17弱联系才是真正有价值的
.weak ties" are generally more important
than those you consider strong.
Your weak ties, on the other hand, generally occupy a very different
world than you do. They're hanging out with different people,
often in different worlds, with access to a whole inventory of
knowledge and information unavailable to you and your close
Friends.
18. 别他妈总是和同事扯淡，花时间结交不同的有趣的人吧！！
Hunt out people who look and act and
ound nothing like you do. Seek out ideas from people you don't
ordinarily talk to who inhabit professional worlds you don't ordinarily
travel in.In one word: Connect. In four better words: Connect with the
Connectors.
19.分享自己的圈子给其他朋友
The most efficient way to enlarge and tap the full potential of
your circle of friends is, quite simply, to connect your circle
with someone else's.
20分享圈子的作用
.If you are sharing someone else's circle of friends, be sure that
you adequately acknowledge the person who ushered you into
this new world, and do so in all the subsequent connections that
they helped foster.
ever forget the person who brought you to the dance.
21.搭讪的用处
As Harrell's study confirmed, the more successfully you use
language, the faster you can get ahead in life.
o what should your objective be in making small talk？ Good
question. The goal is simple: Start a conversation, keep it going,
create a bond, and leave with the other person thinking
22.做你自己是最简洁的方式，不用烦。
When it comes to making an impression, differentiation is the
ame of the game. Confound expectation. Shake it up. How？
There's one guaranteed way to stand out in the professional world:
e yourself
23.帮助人家完成他的梦想！！
quot;What's Your Mission？" the
answer to "What do you really want？" determines all that you do
and all the people who help you accomplish it. It provides the
lueprint for all your efforts to reach out and connect with others.
Likewise, when you understand someone else's mission, you hold
the key to opening the door to what matters most to them. Knowing
that will help you create deep, long-lasting bonds.
24.记住这个宗旨，关联即每个人你见到的人都是一个能帮助你，或者你帮助人的机会
Connecting is a philosophy of life, a worldview. Its guiding principleis that people, all people, every person you meet, is an opportunity
to help and be helped
25.事业的本质。
This is far from a trivial question. Business is, after all, the ability
to motivate a group of individuals to move an idea from concept
to reality; to take a theory and make it a practice; to gain the
uy-in of your employees and colleagues; to encourage others to
execute your plans
26. 认可他人是最重要的。
The only way to get people to do anything is to recognize their
importance and thereby make them feel important. Every person's
deepest lifelong desire is to be significant and to be recognized.
What better way is there to show appreciation and to lavish
raise on others than to take an interest in who they are and what
their mission is？
27.财富，健康，子女，这三样是每个人最渴求别人能帮助的，若你能提供这三方面的帮助，别人感激不尽啊有木有
When you help someone through a health issue, positively
impact someone's personal wealth, or take a sincere interest in
their children, you engender life-bonding loyalty.
29不停介绍可以朋友可以双赢的机会
.I'm constantly introducing two people from different
arts of my life who might benefit from knowing each
other. It's a sort of ongoing puzzle, matching up the right people
and the right opportunities. Once you, too, start to see the world
this way, it opens up exciting opportunities. It's both rewarding
and fun.
30.如果要靠自己成功，你要两年。如果你努力帮助别人成功，那你成功则需两个月
To paraphrase Dale Carnegie: You can be more successful in
two months by becoming really interested in other people's success
than you can in two years trying to get other people interested
in your own success
31写作非常重要
.And writing articles can be a great boost for
your career. It provides instant credibility and visibility. It can
ecome a key arrow in your self-marketing quiver, creating relationships
with highly respected people and helping you develop a
kill that's always in high demand.
32.为什么我们要结交成功的人？
Why is it that we're so taken with the lives of big achievers？ If
we measure our accomplishments against the accomplishments of
others, it stands to reason that the more accomplished the people
we associate with, the greater our aspirations become.
eople who fit our conventional notions of fame and celebrity
often have qualities or skills that we admire. Many of these people
have achieved great things through risk, passion, focus, hard
work, and positive attitudes. And so many of them have overcome
o much.
33不管你以后成就有多大，你不能傲慢，特别是对你的老朋友，这没意思，随时感恩，别装逼，他们是你最好的老朋友
.Most important, I learned that arrogance is a disease that can
etray you into forgetting your real friends and why they're so
important. Even with the best of intentions, too much hubris will
tir up other people's ire and their desire to put you in your place.
o remember, in your hike up the mountain, be humble. Help
others up the mountain along with and before you. Never let the
rospect of a more powerful or famous acquaintance make you
lose sight of the fact that the most valuable connections you have
are those you've already made at all levels. I reach back into my
ast regularly to touch base with the folks who have meant so
much to me since I was a kid. I go out of my way to tell the early
mentors what they meant to me and how much they were responsible
for my success today
34人际交往，是一种生活的方式
.It's a way of living. Several years ago, I started
to realize that connecting was actually a way of seeing the world.
.In the end, we all live one life. And that life is all about the
eople we live it with.
36.如果我们每天都在和自己喜欢的人打交道，那么工作和生活根本没有界限，你每天都生活在爱当中，幸福死了！！
if a person did what he or she loved, it would feel as if they never worked a day in their life. If your life is filled with people you care about and who care for you,
why concern yourself with "balancing" anything at all？
《Never Eat Alone》读后感(九)：以人为本，无论生活还是工作
此书最大的特色，是有许多可以直接拿来运用的技巧和方法，所以很多读者都罗列了很多条目，以便在日后可以具体操作或是借鉴。再此，我就不罗列了，大家都可以查得到。
读这本书让我在一个观念上有了很大的颠覆，即人脉是需要分享的。这和之前我印象中的思维定势是相冲突的，相信很多读者也有和我一样的感觉，自己的人脉要牢牢抓在自己的手中，毕竟这年头人脉不是那么容易获取的，分享给别人？自己不是亏了？
可本书作者却用亲身经历告诉读者，相互分享自己的“圈子”是积累和扩大人脉最快最好的方式，流动的“圈子”才有意义和生命力。通过介绍兴趣相投或是行业内的人相互认识，会发生不可思议的化学反应，人们会对你的“举手之劳”报以感激和欣赏，同样也会介绍你与别人认识，如此的“投桃报李”是人际交往中的良性循环。
当今这个社会，除了工作的关系，其实普通人的社交圈子是很狭小的，无非是同学、同事，其他的似乎就所剩无几了，所以，以上这个观念确实很值得我们借鉴，不同群体的融合，这样就能接触到不同的“圈子”，意外的收获不是没有可能。
当然，认识新朋友的目的不能太功利，这也是本书作者提出的一个观点，要以一颗真诚之心待之，这样即使没有生意上的往来，彼此之间的友情也能比较牢固，这是纯粹合作与生意关系产生的联系所不能比拟的。
书中介绍的各种方法，背后强大的动力其实也是如此，是对对方的关心，发自内心真诚的关心。人生在世，得一知己不易。想要结识新朋友的秘诀就是：先考虑自己能为别人提供什么帮助。真心地为对方着想，你一定能找到各种方式方法来帮助对方的。同样地，只要是个正常人，在感受到你的心意之后，必将会感激，想方设法回报（虽然我们在付出的时候没有想过得到回报），这就更加深了我们在收到回报后的惊喜和满足，促使我们更加关爱朋友。如此良性的互动，是加深情谊的必经之路。
作者在书的后半部分指出的一点也带给我不少思考——我们的生活和工作，归根到底是人与人之间的作用，和自己喜欢的人共处或公事，我们会更加心情舒畅、更加高效、更加愿意为生活和工作付出。
如果工作中需要接触的人都是我们喜欢和欣赏的，我很难想象我们会不热爱这份工作，而发现和维持与我们喜欢的人的关系，需要我们付出真心，外加一些书中提到的技巧。
看过之后单单是记在笔记中或者脑中的技巧是毫无用处的，关键是使用起来，不断摸索，哪些方法是适合自己的，并且持之以恒，期待“圈子”开花结果的那天。
《Never Eat Alone》读后感(十)：Connecting People
Goal: Make others meet and remember you.
ever Eat Alone
You should always be reaching out to others over breakfast, lunch, whatever.
etting-up
et up a dinner or what to ask all people to come.
Ask the one you want to talk privately to come in advance.
Invite a humorous person to add some entertain for the business meeting.
If inviting someone unknown, it is better to ask someone knowing each of you in case of time-wasting discussion.
assion
eek the like-minded.
Go to the place your client like.
hare a deeply personal part of your life to make them feel like you think so highly of them.
hare annual newsletters-new and exciting things you are working on, or about your family about yourself (Those who receive this kind of letter won’t be uncomfortable with such a public display of emotion.).
Meet Someone New
reparation Checklist
His/her proudest achievement
Google affiliation曾在什么单位工作
Call and explain that you have a scheduled meeting to gatekeeper people and require for some background information.
Take 15 minutes and a cup of coffee in an out-of-the-office place.
Go to a business trip and drop by those who live around or invite them to make a speech.
Entertain at home with a group of acquaintance and just one or two strangers.
A hearty smile indicates approachability.
Maintain a good balance of eye contact.
Unfold your arm and relax.
od your head and lean in without invading the other person’s space.
Learn to touch people. Elbow touching is slightly more personal than a hand.
Make them feel special to make yourself special.
e prepared to have something to say, like current events.
Cultivate some niche interest.
Talk about other people’s passion and share yours, but don’t preach it.
othing is sweeter to someone’s ears than their own name.
At the moment of introduction, repeat their name.
If all else fails, five words that never do:
YOU ARE WONDERFUL. TELL ME MORE.
e a good listener-encourage others to talk about themselves.
Don’ts
Limp handshake.
it at the far corner of the room.
e a celebrity hound: Celebrity is rounded by lots of people. Celebrity’s close personage might be more easily to approach and remember you. Have a handshake with who will not remember him beyond the handshake？
e a card dispenser: This guy passes his card out like it had the cure for cancer written on its back. In reality, he’s created nothing more valuable than a phone book with people’s names and numbers to cold-call.
Follow-up (Follow-up is the key to success in any field.)
Timing:
etween 12-24 hours after you meet someone to follow up
Content:
Always express your gratitude.
ay something impressed during your talk.
Reaffirm commitments you both made.
e brief and to the point.
Address the thank-you note to the person by name.
end tokens or advice to show you are thinking of them and are eager to help.
Take people you met in a photo and say a quick hello to them.
Remember others’ birthday, send something small.
Different situations:
A plane meeting - send an e-mail later that day.
A random encounter - send e-mail includes the sentence like, “It was a pleasure meeting you. We must keep in touch.” and cite something particular we talked about in the course of your conversation. Let it serve as a mental reminder of who you are.
uild up a database for acquaintance.
econd meeting introduction-It was great talking to you yesterday. I wanted to follow up with some thoughts we discussed. I’d like to get on your calendar and chat for 5 or 10 minutes.
Could add something you could help them.
end useful article to them.
Follow up with the go-between matters.
Conference
e a conference commando
Join a conference or not？ Do the math. Use a return-on-investment-type thought process.
Help the organizer (Better yet, be the organizer), for the person responsible for event is generally overworked and stressed out.
How to offer help:
I am willing to devote a chunk of my resources-be it time, creativity, or connections-to make this year’s event a smash hit. How can I help？
tudy after study shows that the more speeches one gives, the higher one’s income bracket tends to be.
Make conference within conference
Arrange a meeting before the conference. Likely people have no plans when arriving.
Ideally, invite a stable of speakers to your dinner, which will provide a star-studded draw to your little event. Be familiar with your town, which helps your boldly invite people to your hometown for a real treat.
Amused Invitation
!!!!!Send out a funny invitation asking a few people if they’d like to play hooky from an official dinner and go to a nice restaurant elsewhere.
Create a Genuine connection
In 2 minutes, you need to look deeply into the other person’s eyes, listen intently, and ask questions that go beyond just business, and reveal a little about yourself in a way that introduces some vulnerability. Vulnerability is contagious!
At each conference, keep a list of 3 or 4 people you’d most like to meet on a folded piece of paper. Check off each as you meet them. Beside the name, jot down what you talked about and make a note about how you’re going to contact them later. Ask the organizer to point them out for you.
Your sound-bite introduction will change depending on the circumstances. Generally, it will be a two- or three-sentence opener, tailored to the event, about what you can or want to do for them.
reaks are no time to take a break
During speeches, sit in the back and write follow-up emails to the people I just met at the previous break.
Find a job through personal connection.
Restaraunteur
A-list restaurant attracts A-list people.
It’s quite easy to get to know a restauranteur.
The others: headhunter/ lobbyist/ fundraiser/ PR/ Politician
Ask questions
Try and be among the first person to put your hand in the air.
A really well-formed and insightful question is a mini-opportunity to get seen by the entire audience. Be sure to introduce yourself, and ask question that leaves the audience buzzing.
How to conclude a conversation？
“There are so many wonderful people here tonight; I'd feel remiss if I didn't at least try and get to know a few more of them.” Would you excuse me for a second？”
Use get-a-drink-strategy. Would you like one？ No. And then you don’t have an obligation to come back. If yes, during way to bar or back, talk with others. When returning with a drink, you could say, “I just ran into someone you should meet. Come on over.”
If the talk fails to last, why not end up an invitation.
Turn connections into compatriots=found a bond and keep it strong
Every person you meet is an opportunity to help or to be helped.
Find out what motivates that person. It often comes down to one of the tree things: making money, finding love, or changing the world (could be health wealth and children, say introduce others a good doctor, or a job).
.
haring
ew York Times bestseller list.
Email the summary of a book to others.
ecome a knowledge broker.
Remembrance
eople needing building new relationship are supposed to hear your name in at least 3 modes of communication by, say, an e-mail, a phone call, and face-to-face encounter-before there is substantive recognition.
Once gaining early recognition, you need to nurture a developing relationship with a phone call or e-mail at least once a month.
From transforming a contact into a friend; you need a minimum of 2 face-to-face meetings out of the office.
Aspirational contact (志同道合者)
1. At least one time per month actively involve 3 modes of communication.
2. Already know well quarterly call get birthday call/holiday card.
3. Don’t know well. Send card per year.
Key for a get-together
1. Create a theme, say Women Only dinner party.
2. Use invitations.
3. Don’t be a kitchen slave.
There’s no sense in a party being all work.
4. Create atmosphere.
Candles, flowers, dim lighting, and music set a good mood. Add a nice centerpiece to the dinner table. The point is to give your guests all the signals they need to understand that it is time to enjoy.
5. Forget being formal.
Follow the KISS principle (Keep It Simple, Silly).
6. Don’t seat couples together.
Mix and match. Could set placeholders where I want people to sit. You could put an interesting question of joke on the back of the placeholder which guest can use to break the ice with one another.
7. Relax
Guests take their cues from the host-if you’re having fun, odds are that they will, too.
e a person of content
Tips on helping you on your way toward becoming an expert:
1. Get out in front and analyze the trends and opportunities on the cutting edge.
2. Ask seemingly stupid questions.
“Don’t you think having all your MP3s on a little Walkman-like device would be cool？” If you ask questions that are like no other, you get results that are unlike any that the world has seen. How many people have the courage to ask those questions？ The answer: all the people responsible for the greatest innovations.
3. Know yourself and your talents.
4. Always learn.
Content creators are deep questioners and readers. They’re also sticklers when it comes to self-development.
5. Expose yourself to unusual experiences.
Learn about things that are out of the mainstream.
6. Don’t get discouraged.
If you’re going to be creative, cutting edge, out of mainstream, you’d better get used to rocking the boat. And guess what-when you’re rocking the boat, there will always be people who will try and push you off. That’s the bet you have to take. Deeply committed professionals need to know the score: Passion keeps you going through the rough times come hell or high water, and both will come.
8. Know the new technology.
You don’t need to be a “techno geek,” but you do need to understand the impact of technology on your business and be able to leverage it to your benefit. Adopt a techno geek, or at least hire or sire one.
9. Follow the money.
Creativity is worthless if it can’t be applied. All great ideas are meaningless in business until someone pays for it.
uild Your Brand
We are CEOs of our own companies: Me Inc.
Most people’s judgment and impressions are based on visuals. Looks count. Everyone sees what you appear to be. Send e-mails filled with creative ideas to your CEO.
Connect with media try a small media first to learn how to deal with reporters.
end them information.
Meet them for coffee.
Call regularly to stay in touch.
Give them inside scoops on your industry.
Always prepare to act, sound, and feel like an expert. When didn’t knowing something, be sure to pass him on the person who did. If you are constantly apologizing with “Well, I am not the expert,” people will believe you and wonder why you wasted their time.
Link a celebrity to your story without really knowing the person. Leave it to the journalist to track down the star. You’ve done your job by giving them reason to seek her out.
Once you’ve put in all that hard work and landed a nice article, it’s no time to be modest. Send the article around. “Here’s another one of Ferrazzi’s shameless attempts at self-promotion.” Most people get a kick out of it and it keeps you on everyone’s radar.
orts (Especially Golf)
Competition of this sort taps into our psyche in a certain way that brings us back to a more innocent time when we were kids throwing a ball around on the street.
Wonderful Sentences
1. I have a confession to make.
2. job-giver VS job-seeker
3. snail mail 通过邮件递送的信件
4. be set to begin=be about to begin
5. Draft off a big Kahuna
6. You’ve just paid a boatload of money to be at this conference (unless you’re a speaker, when it’s usually free!).
7. Conversation is an acquired skill.
8. The dinners at your average event are often a total mess. People’s attention is scattershot. Everyone is trying to rise above the noise and be polite and engaged with ten different strangers.
9. Deep in our genetic code, we are conditioned to be afraid of strangers.
10. How another person perceives you is determined by a number of things you do before you utter your first word.
11. I’ll have folding chair at the ready so they can pull up next to the dinner table.
12. Teaching is the finest method I know for learning.
13. He loves people, their stories, and how they view the world.
14. Those days are good and gone.
15. Use software tools to filter out unwanted messages.
16. Brand loyalty is tougher to achieve.
17. Nothing will be said beyond, “Hi, I’m so-and-so and your talk was great.”
18. bash your head against the wall
19. Your abilities may be stored away or infrequently used, but they are there.
20. If what you do can be done by anyone, there will always be someone willing to do it for less.
21. My first job out of college at Imperial Chemical Industries, I mastered the ins and outs。
22. Have a unique / well-thought-out / point of view
23. less-than-exciting opposing candidate.
24. a gripping story扣人心弦的故事
25. The most gripping stories are those concerning identity-who we are, where are from, and where we are going.
26. EVERY JOB I TAKE, I PLAN TO BRAND MYSELF AS AN INNOVATOR, A THINKER.
27. Early on in my career, I paid too much attention to getting attention.
28. Me, write？ I don’t have a Shakespearean bone in my body.
29. invite-only conference
30. nonprofit=not-for-profit
31. I was so young that no one really took me seriously.=You are not big enough to matter.
32. But a commando knows that you have to get people to like you first. The sales come later.
33. When can I do a call this week, or at your leisure？
34. The highest human need, said Maslow, is for self-actualization— the desire to become the best you can be.
35. Don’t be a kitchen slave.
36. Ask questions that are like no other.
37. Be a name-dropper以仿佛很熟悉的口吻谈论著名人物的人
38. As long as you’re going to think anyway, think big- Donald Trump
39. Add rock salt the wound.
40. You could learn how to live your life by watching others living their lives.
41. Like most fathers, he wanted me to be more than he was.
42. Fresh eyes can see old problems.
43. The only way to get people to do anything is to recognize their importance and thereby make them feel important.
44. Not moving forward means going backward.