《The Defining Decade》的读后感10篇
《The Defining Decade》是一本由Jay, Meg著作，Twelve出版的精装图书，本书定价：$ 25.98，页数：272，文章吧小编精心整理的一些读者的读后感，希望对大家能有帮助。
《The Defining Decade》读后感(一)：三十如何而立
两千多年前孔子就就教育人们，说三十而立。但是因为孔子的言论都在140个字以内，他也没有说说三十如何而立。两千年以后的今天，一美国的的心理学家Meg Jay写了一本书，就是告诉二十多岁的年轻人，三十如何而立。
书的内容分为了三个章节，第一章是工作，也是三十而立的根本，二十岁你应该开始你的事业而不是等；第二章是爱情，这个是整个人生的命题，是未来整个人生是否幸福的根基；第三章是身体，主要是谈谈二十多岁的人，大脑还在发育，还有机会建立自己稳固完整的脑结构，也处于身体机能最好的时候，适合生育。整本书以作者所接收的典型的"病人“或者说二十岁的求助者来作为案例进行分析，而每个案例都有比较详实的介绍，很容易让我这个也恰好处在二十多岁的人找到同龄人的影子，有的时候感觉那些案例就是自己的一个缩影。从这些案例中也可以看出，二十多岁，大家其实都在面临着同样的问题。刚刚踏入社会，没了作业，考试，课堂和同学，生活似乎真正开始了，但似乎一个模糊的未来也迎面而来。面对事业，应该如何起步，面对爱情，我们应该如何抉择。没有人来告诉你，指导你。如果你学英语，有千千万万的补习班、资料、网站以千千万万的形式喝方法告诉你如何学英语，但是如何开始你真正的生活，没人告诉你。如果你想创业，李开复们，薛蛮子们，甚至各行各业的大拿们都能跳出来告诉你，”年轻人，我看你骨骼惊奇，是个创业的好材料啊。”但是事实也并非如此，前方一片模糊的未来似乎给励志书，成功学，人生导师们，职业规划师们提供了一个庞大的市场，但是并没有给二十岁的年轻人提供一个真正明晰的目标。
这本书更多的是在心理层面的指导，也就是更多的让二十多岁的年轻人指导自己的内心是什么，而不是让励志故事来刺激你的大脑皮层。那没用。励志故事终究是别人的故事，看看而已。那些励志故事本身其实和火影忍者，海贼王没有什么本质的区别，只是让读者更热血而已。但热血过后总归是要回到现实中，重新面对那一团白雾的未来。这本书并不是给读者提供一个清晰的路程，它更多的是再告诉你，冷静下来，去做一些事情，去爱一个人，去选择一个家庭。这才是二十多岁的人生的本来模样，把二十多岁粉饰成一个无所不能，生命无限，机会千万的年龄，可能是顺应市场或这个浮躁的社会，而并不是真正的顺应二十岁年轻人的真正需求。
书本身的优缺点还是很明显的。本书侧重的是案例分析，书中的一些案例都是作者十几年来接触的二十多岁的年轻人，他们有各种各样这个年龄段特有的问题。这些问题涉及工作，爱情和身体。同时也有一些二十多岁年轻人特有的心态。比方说，工作不重要，因为我要在工作中学习，所以可以无限制的跳槽；爱谁不重要，恋爱本来就是一个很刺激的事，趁年轻应该多折腾折腾；身体也无所谓，现在科技发达了，医学进步了，寿命长了，三十岁才是正当年。这本书就是用种种活生生的案例来解释这些看上去成立的想法，其实并不成立。二十岁，需要的是冷静和努力，而不是一味的好高骛远。
而书的缺点也正是因为案例分析。书提到那些年轻人的例子，并不是简单的叙述，而是占有很长篇幅的对话记录。这让书本身也显得冗长。本来可以更深入的从心理层面探讨一下二十岁这个重要却很少被人提及的话题，但是因为太多案例细节的叙述，让整本书的内容有些稀释。另外，书中提及的一些心理学的实验，也在其他有关心理学的书中提到过，没有什么新意。
略去这些缺点不提，这本书提供了一个心平气和的态度来解决二十岁人的问题。实在是难得。用两句最近看到的话来谈谈我对二十至三十岁这十年的理解。
“不要急，不要等”
这句话出自一豆瓣的日记（http://www.douban.com/note/240434549/）。虽然只有六个字，但我觉得是一个良好心态的体现。这个商业的社会灌输给了年轻人太多的错误观念。每个人都信奉年轻无极限而很少人去静下心来。静心也不是等待，而是踏踏实实的做事。去做事，无论什么，不要觉得自己的生命有无限的可能性就不去选择，害怕选择了一个而失去其他千千万万的可能。年轻人需要的就是去做事，无论什么事情。只要去做，只要有了开端就会有一条路慢慢的铺开，通向一个美好的未来。
年轻的时候，我们总听到太多的生硬告诉我们你应该怎么做，或者别人都在做什么。这很容易让刚刚起航的我们不知所措。我们应该学会的是运用自己的大脑，运用自己的学识和思想，而不是去听别人让你怎么做。深思熟虑，为自己的人生负责。人生只有一次，二十岁是一个真正的开端，人生应该怎么过，选择权到这个时候才真正到了我们自己的手里。我们有能力也有责任来思考未来的人生。慎重选择自己的事业和家庭。这两样几乎就是我们人生的全部，无论伟大与平凡，事业和家庭永远是一个人一生的主题。无论是征服世界还是清粥小菜平淡一生，都属于事业和家庭。而二十几岁，是我们开始选择并位置奋斗的最好开端。正如书中的一个比喻一样。飞机从纽约飞向洛杉矶，如果在纽约稍稍调整一下飞行的角度，坚持下去，就会到达洛杉矶。如果对着西雅图的方向，等到了西雅图再飞往洛杉矶，那就需要更多的时间和燃料。所以，时日无多，找好角度，稳定心态，赶紧上路。
“The slower you go, the faster you get there."
这是书中的一句话。与“不要急，不要等”基本是一个意思。静下心来，从二十岁开始我们真正的人生。慢慢走，终究功德圆满。
《The Defining Decade》读后感(二)：血泪案例史
终于把这本书读完了，里面说的很有道理。因为手机被偷，所以无法查看当时在这本书上记的笔记，只记得一些统计细节。
结论大致是：人要有一份充分就业的工作，要开始物色家人，要生小孩，对爱情不要太较真，要跳出舒适圈……总之在我们中国早已是老生常谈。
这本书通过科学告诉我们，老生常谈是对的，如果你不按照这些案例告诉我们的启示那样做，你就会陷入抑郁，人生就会陷入困境。
问题是在我身边，照着做的“人生赢家”人生依然毫无起色，一团乱麻。
╮(￣▽￣")╭
当时读完感觉就是：我一定要按照书里面讲的这样做，成为人生赢家。
三个月之后的感受是：去他的。
《The Defining Decade》读后感(三)：The Defining Decade读后感
这边书是偶然间看到的
全书分为三大章节
1.工作事业
2.爱情
3.大脑和身体
第一章讲述的是工作事业对于20+的重要性，分析了一些例子和深层原因。
第二章讲述的是爱情对于20+的重要性，也列举了些例子并剖析了原因。
第三章就是讲述在20+年龄时候充分对事业和爱情进行思考和行动的积极意义，这些行为背后的生理、心理因素分析。这里么特别提到了frontal lobe对于decision-making的重要性，对于大部分人，大家的frontal lobe在20岁左右时候也没有发育完全，对于和这个区域的息息相关的decision-making就更要进行慎重的对待。现代认证心理学已普遍认可的一个理论是，流体智力是可以
不断被锻炼的，推广到更大的一个范畴就是大脑各项功能都是可以被锻炼的。20+左右青年人的各种决策在时刻影响着自己的frontal lobe，同样的自己frontal lobe的成熟度也反过来影响着自己之后的各种决策（更不要说考虑到20+左右时的一些大决定会相对程度上影响人的发展轨迹）。后面还提到了关于年龄对于人（主要是女性）生育的影响
所以说，我们不要不在意年轻时的决定，不要不在意年轻时的爱情，不要不在意年轻时的大脑和身体。英文里有句you are what you read,推广开来就是you are what you do(read，think，play,etc)，我们的思想，能力，智力，体力无一不受到过往行为和经历的影响， 而这些品质也会反影响到你今后的行为和经历。这本书是特别写给20+人看的，作为一个29看到这本书的人，我不并觉得晚，反思自己成长过程中的各种坑，觉得很多时候确实是放松了对自己的要求，didn't take things too serioulsy,特别是那些关键点上的决定。 我甚至认为只要你耐心看完了这本书，也证明了你对于自己现状是有想法去改变的，最后借用作者书中结尾写的几句话：Be intentional. Get to work,pick your family. Do the math.Make your own certainty. Don't be defined by what you didn't know or didn't do ,you are deciding your life right now.
《The Defining Decade》读后感(四)：笔记
1.建立自己的身份资本（identity capital)
那些我们对自身的投资，我们做得足够好或者足够久的事情会成为我们自身的一部分。
一些identity capital来自简历，像学位、工作、考试分数、俱乐部；另外的一些就更加个人化，比如说我们怎样说话，我们来自哪里，我们怎样解决问题，我们看起来怎么样。identity capital是我们如何一点点的建造起来的自我。最重要的是，identity capital是我们能带给社会市场的东西，是我们用来找工作，找对象等等的资本。
找一个能够尽可能为简历添彩的工作，毕业后没人在乎你的GPA，也没人介意你是不是选错了专业，没人真的知道他毕业之后想做什么，我身边的人现在的工作往往是他毕业之前没有听说过的。我希望我在刚毕业的几年迫使自己去找各种各样的工作。
我唯一学会的事情是你不能够一直思考你的整个人生要走哪条路，找到该做什么的唯一方法就是去做。
3.
选择让自己保持迷茫的状态是毫不费力的，对选择感到疑惑只不过是希望有一条轻松便捷的人生之路。
如果说没有一种确切的生活方式是你想要的,这就好像在说，你没有过去，也没有未来，因此也没有走某条路的必要理由。
我们往往被空洞的口号鼓动“坚持你的梦想！”，“一切皆有可能”，以为我们能做任何事情去任何地方，我们面临着无数的可能，就像面临着星辰大海一样。我们不知道怎样去得到我们想要的，甚至不知道自己想要的是什么。生活不是没有限制的，我们总是认为我们的选择太多了，但事实上，我们并没有我们所认为的那么多的选择，我们只能从很少的选择里选最好的那一个。而且，我们浪费的时间越多，机会越少。
你用了20年时间塑造了现在的你，你的经历、爱好、特长、弱点、学位、烦恼、考虑事物的优先级。你不是在这一刻突然被丢到这个星球，也不是突然被丢到迷茫的大海。过去的二十年时间都是相关的，你站在几个选择前面，并且你知道你更喜欢哪一个。我们不可能对自己想做的事一无所知，迷茫只不过是在否认。
早年的兴趣，喜欢生物，遗传进化，人类的祖先，原始部落，人类学，大自然。喜欢看书，喜欢去自然人文不同的地方体验生活，比如短暂的居住一两个月，不痴迷看景点和不断的赶路。
在建筑学院修了景观设计的学位，源于对设计与艺术的好奇，但在了解了行业基本的工作方式之后，因为觉得这是没有核心的学科，一个设计好像是这样也可以，那样也可以，没有明确的评判标准，多取决于设计师个人的主观偏好以及强势的卖瓜能力，并且建筑圈子固步自封，互捧自闭自视极高。我希望能做一些是很明确具体，能看出明显的好坏的事。
建筑设计这一类比较注重怎样改善人和居住环境的关系，设计更合理的居住模式、公共建筑模式，而事实上我是一个不在意生活品质的人，喜欢简单自然，对于不同的设计模式，觉得这样也可以，那样也可以。学生作业往往要求很强烈的形式感，我不觉得形式是重要的。
事实上我不喜欢科技，我崇尚大自然，原始的宝藏。
我喜欢物理多过数学，喜欢实际生动的东西多过抽象
喜欢有逻辑的推理
但也喜欢直觉，喜欢拍照，一些敏感热情的细腻
不是特别在意生活品质，喜欢简单一点的生活方式。
Unthought knowns
我们知道的关于我们自己的但是却忘记了的事，一些是我们放弃了的梦想，或者我们认识到却没有大声说出口的事实。我们害怕别人知道这些，因为我们害怕别人会怎样看我，更多是是甚至我们害怕unthought knownsh对我们自身有多么重要的意义。我们假装我们不知道该做什么。即使不知道是不是对的，但我们朝着一个方向努力是有意义的。
当我们做出选择，我们就让自己面临着努力的工作、失败、绝望的可能，所以有时候我们会选择去不去选择，不去了解。
你能挣到足够的钱吗？你会喜欢这个工作吗？这是你应该弄明白的问题。
在我们的天赋和局限适应我们周围的世界时，我们的潜力才被定义。也许我们的文化鼓励我们成为工程师，或者我们的父母告诉我们我们应该选择怎样而不是我们本身是怎样，或者是主流媒体，告诉我们应该找光鲜亮丽的工作，应该读更高的学位，过更好的生活。就这样，我们远离了真实的自己和真实的世界。
目标应该从我们内在得来。
成年人的生活是建立在，我们在什么地方做什么事，我们和谁一起生活，我们住在什么地方，我们通过做什么来维持生计。
无论是搬得离家更近还是选择一个你喜欢的城市生活，找到自己归属的地方是重要的。
关注自己想做什么而不是不想做什么
例子：
自我组装的单车与现售的单车相比代表着个性
我们去挑选配件定制单车，我们的人生也是这样，并不是要横空做一些没人做的事才叫做个性，我们根据自己的天赋和限制做选择去挑选适合自己的普通的部分，为建造我们的人生一点点去选择一个工作或identify capital，通过一些时间的努力，创造自己独特的人生。
简历：
对于二十岁的人来说，人生更多的是关于potential而不是proof
要对自己是谁，想要什么，讲出一个好故事。好的故事能塑造我们的形象，否则，简历就只是lists. lists是不会吸引人的。
建立职业化的identity的第一步表达出我们的兴趣和才能。第二步是，讲一个关于我们兴趣和才能的一个我们可以把它带到面试中的好故事。
面试官想要听到一个关于我们过去、现在和将来的合理的好故事。我们过去所作的是怎样跟我们现在想做的联系起来的。为什么在这里工作是有意义的，而不仅仅是因为我想得到一个工作或者因为工作地点离家很近。
二十岁的大脑会有第二次爆发式发育，为成年人世界需要的各种技能做准备，要去接触更社会化的环境，跟更多不同的人交流。
我们正在做的工作，我们所在的公司，我们的感情关系，不停的在改变着我们的大脑，决定我们三四十岁是怎样的人。二十岁的大脑是可塑的，大脑产生出无数的新神经元，然后看看我们是怎么去利用它们。得到我们使用的神经元被保留下来变得更活跃，我们不用的那些就被浪费退化。过了二十多岁的阶段，我们再也不会学东西那么快，再也不会这么容易就能成为我们所希望成为的人。这是一个充满着机遇和风险的时刻。我们不能陷入迷茫的状态，停留在熟悉的圈子里，等待我们的大脑自己成熟然后突然明白我们人生的答案。
We become what we hear and see and do every day. We don’t become what we don’t hear and see and do every day.
自信就是相信自己能搞得一件事，而这样的信任只能来自我们已经搞定过很多次。自信是由外到内的，我们拥有的大量成功的经验，特别是在面对困难时的，内化成我们的自信。对工作的自信只能来自做好工作。
《The Defining Decade》读后感(五)：How I feel about this book after finishing it at 18
I am at the last year of high school and also apply for American universities at the same time. I haven't entered my twenties yet but that's the point which makes this book even more meaningful to me than the twenties.
I almost got addicted to the author's calm style. I got into the pages as soon as I started reading. Once I firmly believed that going to see a therapist was definitely not a good thing. I also nearly gave this book up because the author was talking about dealing with problematic people, for the now seeming silly belief I hold that I should always expose myself to classic books or biographies of famous and successful people.
For a person like my age, who haven't attended college, who haven't ever lived by myself, who haven't experienced struggling with looking for jobs or marriage but has already been thinking about future, this book kind of strongly hit my heart. I always know and my parents always tell me that the path I choose will be very uneasy and I will confront so many so many difficulties. I know that. But through the author's calm style, I suddenly realize that I kind of underestimate the difficulties down the road. I thought I could certainly overcome the difficulties and move on but it turns out that they will hit me strongly and I won't heal as quickly and easily as I thought. But it doesn't mean I will lose hope. Contrarily, I grow more hope for I come to understand this point and will get prepared for the difficulties.
I learn a lot from all the stories. I felt kind of scared when reading these stories because I find I match a lot to those people. But I got hope because of this book's eagerness to tell people that it is never too late or too early to start living a real and serious life. For me and a lot my peers, 18 is definitely not too young! We should keep running!
I remember clearly about the 'lock-in' chapter,especially nowadays we are exposed ourselves to all kinds of TV programmes in which young people live together and unfold their loveline. Plus shouting that we are gonna have fun in our twenties or we have a lot of time so we are gonna do crazy things first. These are interesting or even exciting but that's not how reality works out. So many people regret their having-fun twenties is just a waste of time and how the hell they hope some mentor would show up and warn them to cherish the best decade of their life.
I told the story to my parents and they also got many inspires from it. They happily notice my maturity thanks to this book and they encourages me to keep reading. Thank you is not enough to this book and the author. Through these day's reading, I come to understand that why some people are shouting out' what the hell is our high school, our college and our society instill us!' Once I pick up a book which is the biography of Yang Lang. What I'm thinking about when reading this book is that I should remember these things for I can use them as examples in my composition. How fuck is this!!!But now I start to think about life when I read. I feel thoughts flowing in my mind and it feels wonderful. Getting good examples is definitely not reading is meant for. What I would like to say is that even under the education and social system like this, we should never let our imagination and passion dry up. Keep reading and experiencing and we can make some change.
till strongly recommend this book
And THANK YOU my dear author
《The Defining Decade》读后感(六)：Read the Book While You are Young
If you are in your twenties when you saw the book, congrats!!! Some of the myth of the confused and lost age will be unraveled by it. While I wouldn't say you can find the answer to all your issues,it is a book that provides many 'ah-ha' moments to the young readers. Like one of Dr. Meg Jay's patient mentioned in her book: It's like swimming in the ocean, you don't know where you are heading and how deep is the water, you just keep swimming so you wouldn't drown. We all find ourselves stuck in that stage,I did,and she has successfully helped him find a solution for it.
I am familiar with the feeling of swimming in the ocean, we all are.Growing up is the process of stepping from known to the unknown. While some of us try really hard to find a life style that fits, possibly with fear in the process, others settle.Take me for example, there are certainly moments in my life when I doubt about my options:Am I cut out for the challenging job？ Should I just quit when people say it is a wrong path for me？All my friends are working in the corporate, why would I be different？Should I keep dating that guy？What's the cost opportunity if I move to another city for a degree,or another country？ Should I be a settler and stop wondering all together？
How I wish there is some mentor in my life to guide me through the uncertainties.But after failing in trying to fit into someone else's footsteps,I somehow have grown out of the phase of imitating and starting to carve a life myself. This is what Meg Jay called "Customized life". Why do we all want a customized bike while you can get another one off the rack and at cheaper price？ No, we want something different,isn't it？ The same with our lives.
I first got to know Meg Jay through a TED video titled 'Twenties were the new Thirties.' In her compelling speech,she talked particularly about her patients as a clinic psychologist and the insightful advice she provided touched my heart.As the speech went on, I was drawn into her attitude when she talks, her light southern accent, the medium pace when she gave the speech, the graceful and intelligent vibe from her, all made me wonder, who is she and how come everything she said sinks into my mind？ After that, I checked her website and got to know that she is a specialist in twentysomething and instantly bought her book from amazon.And there comes my journey.
I wasn't particularly interested in the 'self-help' category. In fact, I have been deliberately staying away from the Dale Carnegies as far as I could.And Dr.Jay's book couldn't be further away from cliche's of the genre. As a twentysomething myself, I want good stories and convincing scientific theories. The Defining Decade happens to fall into the ideal guidance book I wanted. As an experienced therapist,her topics are all based on good stories from her twentysomething patients. While everyone is different, at some point I found myself in one of the patient's shoes: I was the girl always calling my Dad and my friends to 'borrow their frontal lobe' to solve issues at work. I was anti-social from time to time,sticking with my strong links and wasn't paying too much attention to the weak ties which may change my life.It took me very long time to come to the senses and dig for my 'unthought known'.I'm confused with choosing a partner,a career, a life, I take baby steps when I make life decision. I wonder about 'what ifs',but I am scared of trying.
All in all, I connect with the book,and so is my best friend Chloe who happens to be on the same life pace.We need a kick in the head to keep us going, and it came in the right time.Though I'd appreciate it if I read it 3 years ago,but fate is tricky and 26 is not too late:P
《The Defining Decade》读后感(七)：看似重复但依旧感触
真的，如果告诉你说，你二十几岁做的事情能够影响一辈子，你会相信么？
Meg Jay从工作，感情，和头脑身体三方面探讨了二十几岁的青年需要认知的方面，很多我觉得其实是我们内心深处都知道自己应该做的，但是在这个大的时代背景下，太多物质广告媒体都在鼓吹者年轻无极限，有的时候我们真的很吃这一套，你会觉得，总是有着重头再来一次的机会，可以像很多美国励志片一样，三十多岁重头再来
Meg尝试告诉你一个完全不同的故事，用他自己接过的一些客户案例，一遍遍说明着，从现在开始吧，只要你还年轻，只要你还是二十几岁的年轻人，塑造自己的黄金时期不应该错过，一遍一遍把你内心或者潜意识里知道的事实翻出来呈现在你面前，让你不得不从那些广告里抽离，然后开始行动
我想Meg想要告诉读者的就是人生不可能被安排，但是不安排的人生会让你痛苦一生
《The Defining Decade》读后感(八)：书摘
##精彩摘录
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1. Once she could envision what she wanted her thirtysomething life to look like, what to do with the twentysomething years became more urgent and more defined.
2. Confidence doesn’t come from the inside out. It moves from the outside in. People feel less anxious—and more confident—on the inside when they can point to things they have done well on the outside. Fake confidence comes from stuffing our self-doubt. Empty confidence comes from parental platitudes on our lunch hour.
3. Never again will we be so quick to learn new things. Never again will it be so easy to become the people we hope to be. The risk is that we may not act now.
5. far from safeguarding against divorce, moving in with someone increases your chances of locking in on someone, whether he or she is right for
6. As a twentysomething, life is still more about potential than proof. Those who can tell a good story about who they are and what they want leap over those who can’t.
7. The question twentysomethings need to ask themselves is what they would do with their lives if they didn’t win the lottery.
8. Everything can change in a day. Especially if you put yourself out there.
9. The one thing I have learned is that you can’t think your way through life. The only way to figure out what to do is to do—something.
10. This path to identity is associated with a host of positive outcomes, including a clearer sense of self, greater life satisfaction, better stress management, stronger reasoning, and resistance to conformity—all the things Helen wanted.
《The Defining Decade》读后感(九)：Quotes Inspired a Twentysomething like me
1. Twenty is a time of great risk and great opportunity. The post-twentysomething brain is still plastic, of course, but the opportunity is that never again in our lifetime will the brain offer up countless new connctions and see what we make of them. Never again will we be so quick to learn new things. NEVER AGAIN WILL IT BE SO EASY TO BECOME THE POPLE WE HOPE TO BE. THE RISK IS THAT WE MAY NOT ACT NOW.
2.Below is about a girl Danielle in her twenties who called her mom for comfort when meeting ostacle in the office.
When Danielle called her mother, she was doing what psychologists call "borrowing an ego." She was reaching out in a moment of need and letting someone else's frontal lobe do the work. We all need to do that sometimes, but if we esternalize our distress too much, we don't learn to handle bad days on our own. We don't prctice smoothing ourselves just when our brains are in the best position to pick up new skills. We don't learn how to calm ourselves down. At last they undermine confidence.
3. Danielle again~
ecause it is the same. I have these same converstions with other twentysomething clients about their relationships.These clients worry incessantly about being dropped over some small thing. Or they get anxious when a few hours go by without an incoming text. Like you've been tempted to quit your job, they are tempted to break up or pick a fight to force some kind of closure so they don't get caught by surprise.
When things went wrong on the job, Danielle immediately feared being fired and having to wait tables. This wasn't rational. Jobs-and relationships-usually aren't that fragile.
4. Retirement plannning has almost never come up (with twentysomethings).